LaDawn Black is the host of
The Love Zone on Baltimore's WERQ. Black is
also the author of Stripped
Bare: The 12 Truths That Will Help You Land the Very
Best Black Man, February 2006 -One World/Ballantine.
More info on LaDawn Black can be found at
www.ladawnblack.com.
LaDawn Black can be heard locally on
Baltimore’s 92Q -WERQ (92.3FM –
www.92qjams.com), where she hosts the number one
rated overnight radio relationship advice show,
The Love
Zone.
Adding
A Little Female Charm to Black Men
"LaDawn
Black is what Dr. Phil would be if he were a sexy young black
woman."- Toni G., Baltimore, MD
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Bestselling relationship
guide author LaDawn Black, author of
Stripped Bare: 10 Tested Truths for Landing the
Very Best Black Man, adds a sensible and measured perspective
to relationship advice on this site. If
you want advice that only a sista can give you, or you need some tough
love--then click
here toTell
It To LaDawn
at
Black Men In
America.com.
Please edit and spell check your
letters and do not type in all caps.
I first met my
ex-boyfriend while a sophomore in college & he
was a senior. We first started as BUDDIES but
our relationship quickly blossomed & we had a
relationship for nearly 5 years. After
graduation & entering the real world of a lack
luster job, our relationship began to get very
rocky for several reasons. Just before our 5
year mark, I asked for time off. We both were
not happy individually or together. I was
hoping the time apart would allow us to work on
our personal issues & solidify our
relationship.
Fast forward to
a year & half later, after not being with one
another physically, it happened. I prided
myself in not engaging in a physical
relationship because I knew where it would
lead. Exactly where I am today....confused &
wanting to be back with my college sweetheart
whom I still wanted to be with before getting
physical again). We have discussed the
possibility of getting back together but he's
reluctant to give us a second shot. He often
says he regrets having broken up & wishes we
could have worked it out. I figured I was doing
what was best for both of us at the time by
asking for the break. I'd rather have a
faithful boyfriend then one who's running around
behind my back. I believe he is the one & he
even says that he still gets that weird funny
feeling/butterflies when I come around. I get
the same feeling, which is strange after having
been with each other for so long that we still
feel like it's the first date. I say it's
chemistry, love & passion. I don't get that
feeling around other men. I have decided to let
it go even though it hurts & killing me to do
so. I want him to realize what I believe to
already know...we are meant to be. I asked if
we can begin dating each other again, but he's
reluctant to do so, thinking in the back of his
mind things will be how they used to be. We
both have changed & grew over the time we are
apart...things can't be the same.
Is there any
advice you can give so that I can get back in
his inner circle & possibly see if we can make
it work the second time around.
Sincerely,
College
Sweetheart
Sweetie:
It sounds like
this guy is definitely worth pursuing, but its
going to be hard if he is sticking to his guns
about not getting involved again. There may be a
way to ease yourself back into his good graces
by simply being a friend. Maintain contact with
him daily and plan fun things for you guys to do
together. You may even double date to really
prove that there is no pressure. What this will
do is allow you to spend time together and get
more confident in relating to one another
without the added pressure of working on a
romantic relationship. Give it a month or two
and then check in with your feelings and his to
see if all of this friendly time has sparked any
romantic interests. Be prepared for him to still
say no because some people are very definitive
when a relationship ends, but my guess is that
you guys will be back together because there is
too much chemistry going on here.
- L
Hello, my name is L. I am
going to try to make this short. I have a four
year old son. The court system in Oakland
County, Mi has taken away my rights to my son.
I am employed as a nurse. I do not drink, use
drugs or convicted of a crime. I now have a
prison record because I was held in contempt of
court because I refused to follow their order.
If you were to research me you would see that
you will find nothing wrong with me, yet the
court found it necessary to take away my rights
to my son.
My son's mother has stalked and terrorized me.
She slashed my tires and put sugar in my fuel
tank. She later keyed my car and put dirt in my
fuel tank. All together she has vandalized 5
cars including the young lady that I am dating.
The judge denied the PPO that I filed to keep
her away from me. She disappeared 8 days with
my son and the judge basically did not care.
She assaulted me one day and my niece witnessed
it and nothing happened. I am 6'5, 270lbs
black male. I did not defend myself because I
know that I would have been thrown in jail.
This is just a quick summary of what has been
happening to me. I have not seen my son for
over a month. I was thrown in jail at the
beginning of February. I do not even have any
parenting time with my son. The judge was so
bold as to suspend my nursing license. He later
set that decision aside.
The bottom line is I need some help. I am a
person that no one is willing to listen to. I
contacted the NAACP and the ACLU, but they were
not interested or would not help even though my
rights as a father have been seriously
violated. They pretty much just told me to go
get a lawyer. I had a lawyer throughout most of
this and nothing still happened. I am still
without my son.
I hope that you can help and I hope that you may
be able to contact someone for me. Hope to hear
from you soon.
Brother:
I hate to do this
but I am going to give you the advice that both
the NAACP and ACLU gave you and that is to get
an attorney. You need a great attorney and one
that is adept at litigating and publicizing
cases. Your case in the right attorney's hands
could garner so much attention and new business
that he/she may waive fees. Publicity is
crucial here so I would write down all the
details of your case and get it out to your
local media. Let the community be your advocate.
Start looking for an attorney by doing internet
searches on the top ten cases in your town/city
and see what names keep popping up. Every area
has a celebrity attorney and that is what you
need to get the best outcome for your child.
-L
Hey LaDawn:
I’m a 28-year old female, and my boyfriend Is
currently, 30-years old. We have been together
for almost four years. We met at a past job and
it was like love at first site. We both have
children, from previous relationships (ages 11,
& 4 yrs old). I figured he was right for me
because he was working at this job for over 10
years. He had his own home and car. I thought
ok, I’m good to go. Anyway as our relationship
continued on I started noticing some red flags
immediately. Stupidly I ignored them, thinking
ok I can fix them.
We both had just gotten out of hellish
relationships, but I don't quite think he was
through with his ex. One day at work I
questioned why he had stood me up. And all he
said was that it would never happen again. I
thought ok no big deal. He came over to my place
the next evening and he reeked of a strong fishy
odor on his face. I was in shock at the moment.
I thought maybe there’s a good reason behind
that. Well it took me a month to finally ask him
about the fishy odor on his face. I felt like a
used car with high mileage after that ordeal. He
told me that he and the baby’s mama had one last
intimate session while we were just starting our
relationship. He said "well technically" we
weren't official yet so he figured no harm was
done.
I obviously saw it differently. I thought that,
because we were sleeping together, that we
should be exclusive. How can I trust him after
this?
He swears it only happened that one time, but
lately when he claims he's going to pick his son
up, it takes him an hour and a half to come
back home. Another issue I’m having is thinking
that he may be out doing something he has no
business doing.
We moved in our first place together recently.
He works full time and I noticed that he
frequently comes home and starts looking around
as if he is looking for someone else to be in
our home. A few times he has claimed to smell a
scent of sex. I have never given this man a
reason not to trust me. He has even setup
boobie traps to see if someone has been in our
home.
Is he doing this because of what he did in the
past? Is he being unfaithful or just insecure?
I just don't understand it. When company comes
over to our home say like his brothers or
coworkers, I am not allowed to be in the same
room nor am I to be involved in any conversation
that goes on. Why am I still with this man? On
a good day we get along so good, until he starts
accusing me of doing something with someone.
He
also spends $50.00 to $100.00 a day smoking
marijuana. Could he be paranoid from all the
smoking? I’m confused. I've recommended that he
go to church and seek counseling. I've tried
everything that I know of and I haven’t had any
positive outcomes. What should I do?
Help A Sister
Sister:
There is so much here. Why would you move in
with a man that you have questions about?
Cheating is not something that you can just
gloss over or let time work it out -- especially
when you guys are just dating. The weed issue
is huge too, because this has a lot to do with
his character, your finances as a couple and his
future health. And all the craziness about you
not being able to talk to men who visit your
home or your man constantly looking for clues
that another guy is in play is absolutely crazy
and really sounds like a man who is insecure and
trying to isolate you which is never a good
sign. If I were you I would move out
immediately and leave him alone. He has not
worked out his issues with his child's mother or
demonstrated that he can have an adult
relationship with you. This is far too much to
deal with while simply dating a man. Plus your
child probably lives in the home with the two of
you in the midst of all of the drama and is
taking all this in and how healthy is that?
L
Hi LaDawn,
This is my 4th year of college and I have been
in three terrible relationships. Things seem
great at first but as time goes by he or
I become uninterested. I want to leave but I do
not like hurting people so I stay. What has
ended up happening is they cheat with someone
else and that's what makes me leave. Since these
terrible relationships I decided not to get a
boyfriend but to have friends. It seems nice but
at times I still feel alone or not happy.
Sometimes I feel used because all of a sudden
they don't call or they act uninterested in me.
I am so confused because I feel I should not
date because it will only end in disappointment
but I still feel I need to do it. I want to know
what can I do to get rid of this lonely feeling?
Sweetie:
You have to be honest
with yourself about what you really want and
it seems to me that you are not a casual
dater and you really want a relationship.
Stop trying the friends with benefits thing
if that is not what works for you. A great
relationship is possible in college, but you
have to take the time before giving all of
yourself to a guy to determine if he is a
good match. There is nothing wrong with
dating in a traditional sense of taking the
time to discover one another for a month or
two before jumping into sex and commitments.
This way you get rid of the bad guys before
they can become a fixture in your life.
Take it slow get to know the guy and then
work your way up to love and commitment. It
is time to invest time in your
relationships.
- L
Dear LaDawn:
How do you know if your man
is cheating on you?
Sister,
There are only
two ways of knowing for sure that your man
cheated. He either tells you or you see it with
your own eyes (walk-in/pic/video etc.). All
other forms of evidence are open to
interpretation. If you want to catch your man,
then be prepared to do the investigative work
(tracking his calls, following him when he goes
out etc.). This process can and will drive you
crazy and I am a firm believer that if you start
playing detective you already know you have a
cheater on your hands and it would be far more
beneficial to resolve the relationship issues
then to worry about the who and what of the
cheat.
- L
Dear LaDawn:
My boyfriend and I have
been together for almost 2 years and in that
time we have never cheated on each other. We
have also been able to build a successful
business together. One of the biggest problems
we have is that he has a fetish with females'
bootys. There have been a few times when he has
been gawking at a girl's butt and I have found
it disrespectful. Now its at a point that he
does it and he lies about it. After seeing him
do it several times I have reached a conclusion
that I don't want to deal with it at all. I
talked to him about it in the past several
times, I explained to him how it makes me feel
disrespected, it hurts and if I would have known
that it would be like this in the beginning, I
would not have engaged in this type of a
relationship with him, I would have kept him as
a friend. He protests that this is a small thing
and that I should not be bothered by it and the
fact that I am bothered by it is my problem.
We have both invested a lot
into our relationship and our business, but I
feel like his immature behavior is causing me a
great deal of stress which in turn is affecting
the business and everything else. He says often
(and I know it to be true) that things could
always be worse. I tell him, "Should become
accustomed to settling for less?"
Please tell me if this is
just some psychosis of my own mind, blatant
immaturity, disrespect or something that comes
along with dating a black man in Northern
California.
Sister:
Let me
be really honest with you. There is absolutely
nothing wrong with looking/gawking/appreciating
the human form. If your man likes to look, let
him look because the truth is that you probably
get your "look" on when a fine brother crosses
your path. The difference is that you are
probably more subtle, your man doesn't care and
doesn't notice or you don't discuss your
fondness for broad shoulders or sexy lips with
him. Yes, you are being extremely sensitive and
to ask the man not to notice other women is
simply insanity. There is nothing wrong with
looking. When he tries to get closer to the
booty by asking its phone number or following it
home -- then get concerned.
- L
Hi LaDawn,
I have been dating the same woman for just over
4 yrs (2 yrs as a couple). Neither of us have children; both are
homeowners. Over the course of this 2 yr
period, I decided that she was the one I would
marry - and made it known. We both talk about
future plans to be together; how things might be
on a daily basis, etc.. I will and have done
just about anything for her - handyman, cash
till payday, give space to hit the happy hour
with her friends, etc.. Also, we are no
strangers to each other’s family. At times I
believe she would like to spend more time doing
activities with my family than we currently do.
However, it does not seem to be a cause for
major problems. I say all this to say we are
very good friends who support each other.
When it comes to lovemaking we fall off big
time! For the last 18 months or so, my
discipline has been periodically tested in that
along with no lovemaking, there was no solid
explanation and just a nonchalant attitude
toward addressing the situation. Often, I would
act like a jerk and pout (not a good look for
me) to show my disappointment. The past few
months have been much of the same except, I am
more cognizant of my reaction to these
emotions. Nowadays, I am suppressing my desires
in order to prevent conflict.
Recently, I learn that the pace of the
relationship or lack of has contributed to this
fall off. She told me she felt like we were not
moving - so I asked, "Ideally, where should this
relationship be (or what should it be like) just
before marriage?" She replied, "I don't know."
Then she's back to my best friend again. Even
that conversation I had to ask all the questions
about why has our love life fell off.
Is this relationship failing and I just can't
see it? Why do I feel so unfulfilled when I
have a good woman at home? Why do I leave for
work from her house - thinking where can I get
some? I am finding it harder to provide all
these perks and pleasantries when I too often
feel, let down. Why would a brother want to
move forward into marriage with this aspect of
the relationship so suspect. Am I being
threatened into marriage - is that legal? Do we
both have too much pride to accommodate each
other? Please help.
-b
B:
Brother I am going to be
honest with you. This sister is backing off of
the sex because she has other plans outside of
having a relationship with you. When women are
trying to figure out whether or not they should
stay in a relationship often the first thing to
go is sexual intimacy. We are wired to be open
to a man that we desire and it is hard to be
open physically and mentally to a man that we no
longer desire. Now I am not saying that she is
seeing someone else. More than likely it is
just a thought process that she is working her
way through and it is manifesting itself in
being physically distant.
You need to ask her
straight up if she is trying to make any hard
decisions regarding your relationship. Let her
know that you are interested in having the
relationship continue but not in its current
passionless form. Don't be surprised if a river
of her thoughts and feelings comes to the
surface as she really lets you know what the
whole no sex thing is all about.
- L
LaDawn,
I have been married for
six years and it was hell from the very
beginning. Everyone tried to discourage me
from it, but I was 'In Love'. I spent a
considerable amount of money on our
honeymoon so that it would be memorable...it was, because she
stopped talking to me. She wanted to argue
and the whole nine.
By nature I am not an
argumentative person and I try to avoid
confrontations with the people I love.
Anyway as time moved on we continue to be
like that roller coaster. So finally three
years ago I asked for a divorce. She claimed
and promised to change. I really wanted it
to work and I believed her, so I stayed. We
had a little girl who is the greatest
treasure I could ever find! Now we have
twins and she is starting to do everything
she used to. I am truly lost. I grew up with
my parents separated and I never wanted that
for my kids. Now I feel that I have dragged
them into something that could be
emotionally and mentally taxing on them.
I have been trying to
get transferred to another site, but I know
all I am doing is running from the
situation.
Like some of your other
readers, I could go much more in-depth, but
I'm sure you don't have the time.
Exhausting my soul!
Thank you my queen.
Brother:
What a situation to
be in! It doesn't seem like there was ever
a time where you were happy or peaceful in
this relationship. At this point you have to
really stop worrying about your mate and
really dig deep and decide what is best for
you and your children. Kids know when their
parents are unhappy with one another no
matter how good of a show you guys are
putting on. And personally the idea of
having to play at happiness for the next 20+
years is a huge burden to carry. Don't run
from the situation by getting a job transfer
because you guys will still be together
fighting long distance.
It's time to be an
adult and confront the state of your
relationship. Take the time to live apart
and see if this feels better. Agree early
on that the kids are a priority and no
matter what you guys will do your best to
co-parent. True separation and divorce does
affect children, but just think how much
constant arguing, confusion and contempt is
affecting them everyday. Its time to get
real and possibly make a change.
L
Dear LaDawn
I just found your site
and it piqued my interest. Here is my
problem. I have been married for almost 10
years. During that time maybe a year and a
half have been pleasant. We have a child
together (he is almost 8 years old). This
was my first marriage and her 2nd. Here is
a part of the problem. We clearly discussed
what I was looking for in a mate. I have a
strong relationship in Christ and I believe
that a man is the head of the household
(meaning that I must take ultimate
responsibility for my family). This was
something I was quite explicit about before
we got married and she agreed to this.
Since then, nothing I have brought up has
she agreed to. She has yet to get any
identification in my name even though she
still gets mail in her former husbands
name. Once she got our child's medications
and they used her former married name for my
child. I had a fit, but when I brought it
up to her she said she didn't know that that
would be such a problem.
I have come home from
work and found her with a male co-worker in
our home after she told me that they were
going to have lunch in a town 30 miles
away. They were shocked when I showed up at
my home around 10:30am. I was doing all of
the laundry and cooking. I was getting only
5 hours of sleep a night. Again when I
brought this up to her, she said she didn't
know that this would be a problem. She has
invited former boyfriends to my mother's
home for barbecues. Our guests would always
ask about her at these outings because she
would never come out and mingle with them.
When her old boyfriend showed up we watched
in amazement as she ran out of the house and
started grilling food for them. At our
son's last birthday I took him (he's is
disabled) to an amusement park for the first
time in his life. She wouldn't go. My
cousin came with her children instead. The
next day we went on a ride he had been dying
to get on. She went to that, but
immediately left. When he got strep throat
I took him to the doctor and kept him. She
went to the Pocono’s to visit her
girlfriend.
I owned a house before
we were married, it was supposed to be my
first home until I could afford another
one. All we had to pay for was the
utilities and the taxes. She told me that
it was too far from her job. I got her an
opportunity to work in the town that I lived
in and where the house was and she refused.
I only found out this year that she just
didn't want to live there. She told her
mother and she just told me that she didn't
want to live there because there were too
many Hispanics in the area. Before we were
dating she lived with a Hispanic. I gave up
the house to live with her in a 1-bedroom
basement apartment that I paid monthly rent
for. There were times when I was so tired
after work and returning to the apartment
that I almost crashed by falling asleep
while driving (her apartment was almost 2
hours away from where I used to live and
work).
I gave up my job in my
old town and took a $10,000 pay cut because
she wanted me to work in the area we live
in. When I brought up her deception she
said that I should let the past be the
past. Recently she has been going out on
dates with her former boyfriend who is a
doctor. This is the same person her first
husband would argue about because she was
always with him. I asked her why didn't she
marry him? She said that he was too short
but he is rich and promises her that he will
assist her in her music career. He has told
her this before but has never come through.
I, on the other hand, got her on television
and a chance to meet Melba Moore and sing
for her. She used to get mad at me when I
wanted to know where she was on Friday
evenings. She told me she always gets her
hair done on Fridays. These dates, which
she has admitted to, were on Friday
evenings. There is much more, but suffice
it to say that Ministers who know me and my
wife, friends and relatives have been
telling me for years that she is only
interested in herself and I should end this
marriage. To be honest, she has claimed
that I am not as intimate with her as I used
to be. I asked her if she remembered when
we were intimate? She admitted that it was
when we did things together (prayed, did
Bible study together, went to the movies
together etc). Things that I told her I was
looking for in a mate before
we got married. She says that I should be
more intimate with her. My feelings of
intimacy came from her saying and doing the
things I was looking for in a mate. I
wouldn't have married her if she hadn't
assured me that she was interested in these
things. I even tried to be more intimate
with her earlier this year. In the middle
of it she told me to stop because she
"wasn't feeling this."
LaDawn I will never be
intimate with her again until she apologizes
for that (she has already laughed that off
saying if I really wanted her I would be
chasing her). There is only a year
difference in our ages so age isn't an issue
as far as I know. What would you advise?
If it weren't for my son and the fact that I
have spent every cent I have on keeping this
family together, I would be gone by now.
People who know both of us that I am going
to go to an early grave if I stay in this
marriage have told me. Also, she is a
terrible mother. Our child has more of a
relationship with the baby sitter than with
her. The baby sitter, who is on a fixed
income bought our child a birthday gift. My
wife didn't even get him a birthday card.
He had trouble sleeping and she was giving
him medication to make him go to sleep. I
talked with him and made sure he went to bed
at an appropriate time and we haven't had
that problem anymore. Once when our child
couldn't sleep he went into the bedroom with
her and she made him leave the bedroom
saying that she needed to get her sleep.
I will take your advice into prayerful
consideration.
Thank you for reading
this "novel!"
Brother:
Your story is an
incredible one filled with disappointment
and denial. I am going to get to the heart
of the matter. The sister is not interested
in being a mom or wife. All of her actions
scream wanting to be out of her current
situation so that she can be free to pursue
her goals. Nothing in her actions during
your marriage show compromise or
understanding. The truth is that you
probably should have left her years ago
before compromising your finances or
exposing your son to her indifference.
It is hard for
brothers to understand that there are women
who exist who are horrible moms and don't
have a lick of the nurturing gene that most
women seem to possess. Just like there are
brothers out there that are better served to
be bachelors forever -- trust that there are
sisters out there who need to always be on
their own. This is the type of sister that
you are joined to because even her "ideal
doctor brother" is not husband worthy.
What you need to do
at this point is sure up what is really
important -- your son and your financial
position so that you can go. Love can only
take a relationship so far and then you have
to really look at whether or not you are
pleased within a relationship and also
whether or not there is any growth. My
guess is you have zeros in both columns.
Now is the time to lean on your family,
friends and spiritual community to dissolve
this long broken union and get you back on
the right path.
- LaDawn
Hey Miss LaDawn,
I might a guy on one of
the popular sites on the web. He wrote to me
first addressing his interested to meet me
in the future. I checked his profile as he
may have checked mine. I we’ve been out on a
couple of dates even though he lives two
hours away from me. Now it’s September and
we haven’t spoken in awhile until I found
his number on my phone view list. I called
this number thinking it was my girlfriend’s
number but it was his. He was acting like
everything was okay, like we were right
where we left off. I asked him if he was
playing games, or if he was seeing anyone
else, he told me no and I am his baby girl.
LaDawn please help me
solve this mystery of this man who seems to
be perfect in everyway but there must be
something that is holding our relationship
back from being official.
Mona,
Dover, DE
Sister:
I think I am going
to get T-shirts with this statement on it,
"If a man really wants you he will be where
you are!" I get these questions all the
time from readers and listeners about the
disappearing brother or the brother who
never seems to have time for you. The
universal truth is that sometimes men change
their minds and all of the attention early
on in the relationship can go away if he has
decided that you are not the woman for him.
Sisters do this
disappearing act too. Just think of the
brothers who may not have gotten past one
phone call or date with you and how even
though they continued to reach out you never
responded and you hoped that they would one
day get the hint. Don't you think brothers
do the exact same thing? So, stop chasing
this brother. He is simply being polite
when you guys speak. If he wanted to be
with you, you would not be wondering if --
you'd know.
- L
Dear LaDawn:
In February 2003, I met
and dated a man 10 years my senior, I was 29
at the time, (we will call him James) we
work for the same company, he was in
supervision on 2nd shift and I was a regular
employee on 1st shift, our paths crossed, we
worked on a project together, sparks flew.
At the time, neither of us was single when
we met. My relationship was already on the
rocks, and ended 3 months or so after I met
James. James was in a long distance
relationship with a woman in NY. So about 6
months after we met, he ended the
relationship with the woman in NY and at
this time, we had gotten close but had not
crossed the physical line because that was
the agreement. We started hanging out
frequently on the weekends with or without
his daughters (he was married for 13 years
to his high school sweetheart) fishing
together late night early morning and
talking while he was working, taking weekend
trips, because we could not be seen at work
or around work together with him being a
supervisor (the only one of color in the
building) and me a regular associate, I
accepted that because I knew how our place
of employment could be and he is a hard
working man and I did not want to be the
downfall of him. There were the people we
were both friends with that knew we were
dating and there were rumors at work that we
were dating but no ever really knew. I was
in love. I found the man that was every
single thing I had been looking for.
This man worked hard.
He is honest, a good father, a kind man who
won't say too much unkind to anyone unless
provoked. A southern man that would cook
and clean too. An all around good guy and
reminded me of my dad with those qualities
and had his trials and tribulations but did
not let them hold him back at all. This
arrangement went on for over a year. I
would cook dinner and bring him lunch in, so
when he got to work, there would be food for
him in the fridge at work. We worked well
together as a couple, when I needed things
for my car done, we would switch in the
morning, I drive his truck to work and he
would take care of my car stuff before he
came to work, switch keys back when he got
to work and I drive my car home. We spent
time at each other's apartments, keys
were exchanged. I would do laundry and he
would iron everything for myself and him for
the entire week. I was in love
with this man. Then the world that I knew
and loved came crashing down hard...he
started to back away and I didn't know why.
He would not come as often after work.
Finally he got
transferred out of the building we both
worked into another building and I thought
well now we can be more free since he isn't
in the building any more and then he did the
unthinkable and broke up with me in an email
and I lost my mind, literally. I sat at my
desk that morning, reading an email he wrote
the night before @ 12:17 AM and I cried, so
much so I just had to go home and did not
work the rest of the week...he said, he
needed someone one he could be open to be
with and not have to hide because of work.
He said, I deserved better than that. So I
did not respond for a while because I didn't
know how to. I did not want to come across
immature and say the wrong thing, but I was
hurting and he needed to know that.
For 4 or 5 months we
did not talk but sporadically and he would
have to come back to the building where I
still worked and the first time I saw him,
the minute he walked away I broke down right
then and there.
I get a different
position and I move to an office job 4
months later so does he and comes back to
the building I am in. Things rekindled
shortly after he came in to the office we
started back up but he was still in limbo
dealing with the other woman, which I found
out later she was a white woman and that
just stabbed me right in the heart. The ex
boyfriend before him had also met and
married at white woman, so this was a sore
subject with me. After a few months of
being in this threesome, I asked for a
decision he could not and would not answer
and finally it just ended again. His dept
got moved to another location, so I did not
have to see him again.
It is now August 2006
and about 2 weeks ago I find out she is
working in the building with him in the
company, I was hurt to find that out and
told him as much. I said if it was not about
us working together, then it was just me he
didn't want and he said it wasn't the same
thing because she was from the outside and
not someone he had dealings with when he was
in supervision. So today, after all this
time, I am hurting still.
I know we don't have a future and yet I
can't get over him! I have not had a
boyfriend. I have a person that has loved
me since we children but I don't love him
and he is in Florida and I am in Ohio.
I need help. Almost
every day I cry thinking about him. What
can I do to get over him and be able to let
someone else love me?? Or learn how to even
love myself again. I had given up hope in
God, wondering how he could let me hurt so
much and bring someone into my life that
made me feel this way only to have it end
the way it did.
Can you offer any
advice?
Broken Sista
Broken Sista:
Your story is so
sad and it seems like you have been through
so much with this brother. There are three
main things that you have to get about this
relationship:
1) It takes time to
give your all and fall in love -- it is
going to take time to get over this
brother. Don't expect to one day just
wake-up and all of the love is gone.
Letting go of love is a very slow process
that relies on time and space. Some people
create distance within months while others
take years. Give your self time to heal and
take it day by day. Start a journal and
write down how you feel every day. By day
14 you will find that the words of hurt and
disappointment dwindle because you have a
place to now leave the hurt.
2) This
relationship was one that the brother did
not want. I tell sisters this all the
time. If a brother wants to be with you, he
will do ANYTHING to be where you are. The
fact that this brother created distance and
then started seeing someone else is proof
that he desired to move on. As hurtful as
it may seem, the truth is that everyone we
love doesn't always love us back or give us
what we need.
3) Sister, please
don't get caught up in the whole white woman
thing. By focusing on the brothers who have
moved on to white women you are growing
resentful and conveying that negative energy
to new potential lovers. The truth is that
brothers date white men and you know what
surprisingly sisters date white men too.
Love is love and once you make peace with
that you will see that a brother choosing to
love another does not take away from your
beauty or value.
In the end it is
time to move on with great memories and
lessons learned. Know that it is going to
take time for total healing to occur, but it
is possible to find another great love if
you are open to giving another brother a
chance.
- L
LaDawn,
Here is my issue: I
have been dating this man since 2000. We
started off as "cut friends" and progressed
into love. Originally, I was the one who
wanted to just remain friends. Burnt from a
bad divorce, I was not eager to put myself
out their again. Once I fell in love, I
wanted to take it to the next level. He
hesitated. We have several differences
causing this. I have two children with no
intentions have any more. He has none. He is
well established in his career, while I have
always maintained a job, as of yet I still
do not have a clear career path. Not that
money is a major problem between us; I don't
ask him for money, he doesn't volunteer
any.
Eventually after much
pressure on my part, we became "boyfriend
and girlfriend" around 2003. So I am sure
you can see where I am going with this. I
want to get married! He says he wants to
marry me and spend the rest of his life with
me. We have discussed this many, many
times. However, that has not lead to
anything because we are basically
still doing the same things. He leads a
totally separate life from me. I have met
his family once. Although they know me, it
is not on the level that my family knows
him. I only know who his friends are because
he tells me about them. He knows mine, but
he always keeps me separate from his life.
I try to approach it in
different ways, putting myself in his shoes,
threatening to leave, and actually leaving.
All of this is to no avail, because we are
still not married. In a recent
conversation, I have laid everything on the
line. I asked him if he felt that he was
getting everything that he needed from me,
if he felt that he was giving me everything
I needed, and if he felt that he was doing
his best to maintain this relationship. The
outcome of that discussion was that he asked
me what I wanted. I told him that I want to
be a complete part of his life. I want to be
engaged and a year from now married. He said
fine, then that is what will happen. He says
that when he actually "proposes" and gives
me a ring, is going to be a surprise. Thus
far, I have no ring. Granted this was just
a couple of days ago, I still have no ring.
To be honest I really won't believe it until
I see it.
My question is "how
long is too long"? Now, I am always the
first to say don't let a man use you, a man
won't do anything more than you let him do.
So I am fully aware that all of my
unhappiness with him is partly my fault. I
don't want to be "that girl' whose man is
playing her as a fool. I understand that by
being with me that he is giving up his right
to have his own children. I have also
expressed this to him as well. If that is
the problem, then why won't he just leave me
and find someone else that will be able to
give him what he needs? I don't understand
why he is dragging this on, if he has no
intention of marrying me. I have told myself
that if I have no ring by the end summer I
have to leave, if nothing else than to try
and retain some dignity and pride.
Sister:
Throughout your
email you were answering your own
situation. This brother cares for you, but
it seems pretty clear to me that he is not
willing to make you his wife. My rule on
this thing is that if it doesn't happen
within 2 years then it probably isn't going
to happen. You have to look with honest
eyes at all of the clues this brother is
giving you. The biggest being that men are
braggarts by nature and if he really had met
his match in you -- he would easily
integrate you into his work, family and
friends.
I think it is
time to get real and decide whether or not
you can live with this casual relationship
until he finds his ideal or do you want to
get out now knowing that you took control of
your love life and moved forward. Stop
waiting, hoping and praying for a ring to
materialize and get on with the business of
meeting a brother who wants "all" of you in
his life.
-L
Hi LaDawn:
I have had so many
differences in advice/opinions on my issue;
I do not know what to do. I have been seeing
this guy for six months now. We started
seeing each other in August of 2005, but we
had stopped talking for a month, but he came
back to me. We have good conversations; we
talk about any and everything. This guy has
said he had been locked up for a while
(either 8 or 10 years), he has been home for
4 years now and he has gotten himself on
track as far as his work is concerned.
Based on what he
tells me, he had a bad experience with
someone in his past, which I think has a lot
to do with him being cautious now. I have
tried to show and tell him in any way
possible how I feel about him and that I am
not out to hurt him. He tells me that he
knows that I like him for him, but in the
beginning he had his doubts. He has told me
on numerous occasions that when he is upset
about something, he shuts himself off, not
answering his phone and sometimes his door.
I've never dealt with someone like this
before, so at first it was hard for me to
know how to accept this, but now I'm used to
this.
The other thing is
how slow he is moving. I can understand
this. I don't feel like I am pressuring
him. I'm not asking right now for marriage
or for us to move together, but he does know
this is what I want. My problem with him is
that he does not give me the extra time I
have been asking for. We have had this
conversation many times and he keeps
throwing his job up in my face by talking
about how important it is to him, and he
wants to get out of debt so that he will
have more time for other things. This is all
good to a certain extent, but we see each
other about once, maybe twice a week. Twice
is very rare. I have asked him for one or
two more days. We both work like 2 a.m.
whereas, I am done by 7 a.m. and he may not
be done until between 8 and 9 a.m. Then
there is whatever running around to handle
other errands during the day and then he
does have to get some sleep. I try to be as
understanding and patient as I can be, but
there are times that I want to be with him
more.
On March 22, 2006,
during a conversation, he confessed that he
loves me, is in love with me, enjoys being
with me and is never bored with me. He has
told me before that he has strong feelings
for me. So I'm trying to understand that he
has some adjusting to do because he says he
is used to being by himself, because when he
was locked up he was by himself all that
time and no one came to see him, and a girl
he loved back then is the reason for him
doing the time. So I tell him after six
months, I feel like we have not moved
forward at all. He just says he moves
slowly. I have to compete with his job, his
work with juveniles and other meetings that
he attends during the week. When I ask him
if it is because he wants to be with someone
else, he tells me it isn't about other
girls. He has said this to me many times
because believe me, this conversation has
come up many times. I have just showed up at
his place before on different times of the
day and night and have yet to find any other
female there. So I asked him: “If you love
me, why can't you give me more of your
time?” He says his feelings have nothing to
do with it. So I say, “What is the bottom
line? If you don't have time for me, then I
need to be with someone who does?” He says
that is my decision; he cannot make
decisions for me.
Sometimes I feel
like he does have love for me, I can see the
way he looks at me, how he may just look in
my eyes and stroke my face, or stare at me
when I'm getting dressed and he gives me
compliments, telling me that I am beautiful
and smart and that he appreciates everything
I do for him and I am the ideal wife. He
asks me things sometimes like what if we
were living together, what would you do
when...or he may pose some hypothetical
husband questions to me. I really am in
love with him, I feel deep within me he is
the one for me. But what do I do about not
having more of his time? I'm afraid to see
other people because I feel like if he finds
out, it will change how he sees me and I
definitely don't want to be intimate with
anybody else either. But I need more
attention. I have tried applying for
daytime part time jobs to take up that extra
time, so that I wouldn't be so focused on
him, but I haven't been successful with
that. So what do you say about this
situation? I don't think he wants me to
leave and he has said it before when I told
him I was leaving that he does not want to
ever lose total contact with me. But he just
does not seem to be willing to include me in
his day-to-day life like I want to be. Thank
you for your input.
M
M:
What a letter!! Sister
you seem to be making a lot of excuses for a
brother who no matter how he may feel about
you is demonstrating a take it or leave it
attitude when it comes to you. Rule #1 when
it comes to brothers is that if they are
interested in being with you they are
present in your life no matter what type of
obligations they may have. If there is
always an excuse as to why you can't see him
more, then sister the brother may not be as
interested in you as you believe.
Listen to what the brother is saying, but
also watch his actions closely. This
brother seems to be on a path toward
bettering his future and healing and right
now this path doesn't include a wife. You
need to decide if you are going to take the
ride and wait for him to decide to include
you in or to get off now knowing that there
is someone else out there for you who is
ready for you today. In the end you need to
follow your gut instinct that is screaming
to you that this brother is a good brother,
but he can't be all that you need right now.
Dear
LaDawn,
I have
been dating this guy for over a year, it has
been a wonderful relationship. The problem I
am having is that in this time I have yet to
meet anyone close to him, not even his best
friend. When I have talked to him about it
and letting him know how feel as if I'm
being kept a secret he would either tell me
sorry or brush me off. I have made excuses
for it. he goes away to school in our state
and when he comes home its only for
weekends, so I figured that he want to spend
time with just me and time with just his
family. It was until winter break when I
realized that he ample enough time to
introduce me but didn't. I tend to feel like
there is someone else but then i say no
because he is about to graduate. I told him
that he had until June to change the current
situation or else I'm gone. What should I
do, stick by him or leave? and how should I
feel about not meeting anyone and what does
it mean?
Sister:
Be careful with this one because some
brothers have been so burned in the past
when they introduced their woman to
their friends and family that they
pledge to not do so until they are sure
that she is the one. So don't jump to
the conclusion that he is hiding
something or someone without asking
about why he is doing this? You'd be
surprised how many brothers have the no
family and friends rule when it comes to
dating. Often this occurs because a
sister went crazy on a family member
after a break-up, mom grew tired of
meeting all the women or a friend and
the girlfriend may have hooked up -- all
reasons why a guy may keep things
private.
I suggest you ask him why you haven't
met anyone. Let him know that you just
want to get to know him better and that
you think this is key to helping your
love grow. If he doesn't give you an
answer or avoids your question, he is
definitely hiding an "other," but if he
provides you with a quality response
along the lines above -- hang in there
until he gets over his fear of
introducing you to his people.
- L
Dear LaDawn:
For about
seven months, I've been dating a young lady
with 4 children; having one child of my own
I was able to except the kids. Well about 3
months ago I asked her to marry me and she
accepted. We began to planned the wedding,
we had what I thought was a wonderful
relationship. Until one day her ex-boyfriend
shows up, she had told me stories of how he
would beat her, and never give money that
care of her kids. She also expressed that I
was the only man that respected her as a
women and treated her as such. After
returning home from a business trip I walked
into her home to find her and her ex in bed.
I did not get mad I just left. When I asked
her why she would be with a man that beats
her and disrespects her and her kids, she
stated that he doesn't have to respect her.
She just wants to be with, Maybe you can
tell why our black women turn down good
black men for trash.
Walking Away
Brother:
The easy answer to this one is that some
women are addicted to drama. They can't
deal with the calm or sameness of a
relationship that is working. The whole
break-up to make-up situation is addictive
to some and they will not break the cycle.
Another thing that you may want to consider
is the strong tie that most women have to
the father of their children. Being a mom
myself I know that no matter what comes down
the road my husband will trump any man
because we have a flesh and blood bond in
our son. That bond will survive a divorce,
remarriage or even death. Our child is a
living record that we were together. That
being said the sister in your life has four
bonds with this man and he will forever have
access to her. Now most women are smart and
manage this life long bond by saying we are
connected as parents forever, but the lover
thing is out. It sounds to me that your
lady hasn't had that come to Jesus meeting
with herself where she makes peace that she
will always be part of his life because of
the kids, but she has the right to a better
life with you.
I will be honest with you and say that this
sister may not be the one for you. And as
far as sisters dealing with bad brothers and
passing on the good ones just know that for
every misguided sister addicted to drama in
old relationships there is a sister out
there looking for your positive flow. Just
take a little more time to investigate next
time.
LaDawn
Hey
LaDawn:
I have
been dating this great guy for about 6
months. He is always there for me and goes
above and beyond. We spend a great deal of
time together. He takes me places I have
never been before. He has no emotional
baggage. He has never been married and has
no children. In the past I have had a couple
of bad relationships. Dealing with men who
just lie and cheat for no reason. The
problem that I am having is that I am not
all that attractive to him. However I think
with all I have expereinced in the past, I
am looking for fault in him. As far as his
finances, he has a vision and is a very hard
worker. He wants to live a good life and
this we definitely have in common. He comes
from a very good family and is at a point in
his career where he is ready to settle down.
However as far as the looks are concerned,
do you think I am settling if he is not
exactly what I am attracted to?
Angel
Sister Angel:
Every
sister has had that experience where a man
is ideal, but not quite a looker. My
experience has been that you are happy with
"the everything but ..." brother until that
next fine brother comes along. Although we
try to be very high brow about looks and
attraction not being important anyone who
has been in a long-term relationship knows
that when times get rocky in the
relationship you need every reason in the
world to stay there and work though it.
Don't underestimate or feel bad about the
importance of attraction. If you do not
crave every inch of this brother, the
relationship will not thrive because you
will always be looking for what you miss.
- LaDawn
Greetings LaDawn,
Help me and tell me this where do I find a
hero? A brother with that thug out look and
hard look but will treat me like a queen.
~Humble
Sister:
I am sure that there is a brother out there
that looks like a thug that can treat you
like a queen. These brothers surround you
everyday you meet them in clubs, while
shopping or just being out and being
active. My larger concern for you is why
are drawn only to thugs? I hope you do
realize that strong brothers who have your
back come in many forms. Don't sleep on the
college educated brother or the brother
working hard on the daily as being great
men. It is great to have preferences, but
stupid to limit yourself too much when
seeking a man.
- LaDawn
Dear
LaDawn:
I’m a
mid thirties hard working single mom who
lost her job several months ago. I’ve been
looking for work and have not found a job
yet. My bills have been piling up and
things got so bad that I need to file
bankruptcy to get some relief. I’m a very
attractive black woman. I met this lawyer
who happened to be white. I guess he
recognized that I was trying and simply
needed a break. He handled all of the
paperwork for my bankruptcy and did not
charge me. He was really nice and I thanked
him for all of his effort but I still felt
that it wasn’t enough. So I offered him
oral sex. He’s married with grown kids. He
accepted my offer. Well this has happened
several times now. The last time we did it,
I reluctantly asked him for a couple hundred
dollars, just enough to keep the lights on
and get some groceries. To my surprise he
gave me $1000.00 cash. I told him that I
only needed about $200.00 and he told me to
keep the money and suggested that I not get
discouraged and that I would eventually find
employment. LaDawn, how can I say this?
I’m good at what I do, but I never expected
$1000.00. The actual act only took about 9
minutes. Should I have kept the money? I
do enjoying pleasing my partner. I need to
make one thing clear. I have not slept with
this guy. Am I good girl?
Signed,
Curious
Dear Curious:
Are you a good girl or not?
That is not for me or anyone else to
determine for you. Are you happy with what
you are doing? Are your needs being met?
Is anyone being hurt by your actions? These
are the questions you need to ask yourself
to determine whether or not you are playing
yourself in this situation. If you feel
good about your decision and actions, I
would say roll on with what you are doing,
but know that the sexual requests will only
escalate and the risk level will increase
and are you willing to do this hard deal?
The lawyer is of course in
the wrong as far as accepting sexual favors
from a client. This to me speaks volumes
about his character as both a married man
and professional that he would be doing
this. Personally, I would have run in the
opposite direction from any attorney who
would strike this deal. You have to think
this is not the first time that he has
accepted flesh as payment.
-L
Dear
LaDawn,
I have
been with my husband 8 years married 7. I'm
at the point where divorce seems to be the
only solution to make me happy. The reason
why I feel this way is my husband I believe
has cheated on me. I've never caught him
physically with a woman, but the signs are
too clear. For instance he's always saying
I'm cheating on him. I never cheated on a
man in my life. I actually found on two
different occasions three hidden cell
phones. I found a letter he was about to
send some woman about a get together at a
hotel that how I found the last cell phone.
He's not too bright because I was able to
get password to his phone without much
effort. The bad thing is I wasn’t even
trying to find this information. I’m just a
firm believer in "what's in the dark will
come to light"(karma). He actually had call
from other women some with children. That's
a total slap in my face and he had the nerve
to deny what I heard and read. Anyone who
knows me knows what my feelings are on
cheating. I hate cheaters because of the
damage it did to my own family.
I have
three small kids and they know mom's not
happy. I don't care what happens to him, I
don't have any communication with his family
in fact I have a true monster-in-law. I
don't trust him at all. I recently kicked
him out of the room we shared because I
don't want him to touch me. I did the
counseling bit, tried to forgive, and tried
religion. I'm done. He believes I have not
tried hard enough to make the relationship
work. I find this to be a big joke. I've
done everything in my power to make this
work. Every time we go to counseling the
therapist wants to see him by himself.
We've
been to three different therapists mind you.
I'm tired of begin a wife to him and I don't
want my kids to think this is normal. This
man has put me through too much mental and
financially. I'm hoping he runs out again
so I change the locks to the house. Oh yeah,
he ran out I'm twice the last time it was
two days before I had our last child. Am I
wrong for wanting out?
Sincerely,
Ball-N-Chain
Ball-n-Chain:
Sister what are you debating?
This brother is not interested in being with
you - his motivation is simply to delay the
inevitable (a potential split) hoping that
you will forget about his bad deeds and
continue to let him in.
From your letter I can see
that there is little if any great reasons
for you to stay with him. Stop stressing
yourself out and chasing outside opinions.
It is clear to me that you know that this is
not the brother for you. Now is the time
for you to decide to be free and do what
needs to be done to be happy and fulfilled.
- LaDawn
Hi
LaDawn
I am a
35 years old divorced mother of 3 and
grandmother. I don't look my age at all.
All I ever attract is young men. I have
been dating this 23-year-old man for 5
months. At first it was wonderful. We had
so much fun together. Recently, we moved in
together with my children and grandchild. I
love him dearly, but I have been hearing
rumors that he is a “player” and he is only
using me. I have never caught him with
anyone and I have never encountered any
evidence that there is someone else. I got
this information from his twin brother. I
don't know what or who to believe because
they look so much alike. His family loves
me and treats me real good, they tell me his
twin brother is only jealous and wants me
for himself. I can't think of any reason
why his twin brother would lie to me. His
brother has a girlfriend. Please help me
out. This man asked me to marry him next
year. I want to be sure.
Sign,
Confused
Dear Confused:
When it comes to making the
huge decision about staying or leaving a
relationship I would highly suggest that you
listen more to what your man is saying and
how you feel about your relationship than
what other people have to say. A
relationship has to be managed by those in
it because outsiders always have their own
agenda and not always your best interest at
heart.
I would say that if you have
found a man who makes you happy and your
home is peaceful and positive - stay in the
relationship until these things change. I
would hate for you to miss out on love
because of someone else's desires.
Sister, I think the heart of
your question is what you are not saying. I
feel that you are a little unsure about your
sex appeal to your younger man. Instead of
seeing clues that he may be cheating, in the
back of your mind you are almost expecting
him to because you are so much further along
in life than he is. Let go of your
insecurity and realize that you only live
once and you have a right to have a sexy
young man in your life who loves and
appreciates you no matter what anyone else
may think.
LaDawn
Hi LaDawn:
I have been dating this man for 3 years now
and in the past I did some crazy stuff but
now I am finally ready to settle down and be
with him but now he seems like he is running
around with all these others female or he's
busy when I ask him to come see me. I want
to have a kid with him because I love him
but he doesn't act like he loves me
anymore. I told him the other day I was
pregnant and he said that he wanted me to
get rid of it. He said he wasn't ready for
a baby. Is he just scared or does he
honestly not want to have kids with me? I
am confused. We been through so much and I
don't want to throw that all away because of
a baby. I tried talking him into trying
harder in this relationship but he hates my
lectures. What should I do?
Sister,
Why do you want to be with a
man who is running around with other women?
Why are you so anxious to have a child with
a man who cannot commit to you? Don't make
the tragic mistake of thinking that having a
man's child will guarantee that he will be
with you always because that simply is not
true.
You need to closely and
realistically view your relationship. Step
outside of the dream that you have an ideal
relationship and see what is going on. I
promise that once you do this you will see
that maybe this brother is all wrong from
you and that you deserve much more.
- LaDawn
Hi
LaDawn:
I have
been married for 12 years and my husband
could never really hold a job longer than 4
months out the year, but I didn't let that
stop me from loving him because I guess my
love for him was stronger than a job. He
stole from me, but I was right there he was
an alcoholic but I was right there, but
about 6 months ago things started to change
every time I looked at him all I could feel
was hate for him. Whenever we made love I
would start to cry because my heart was in
so much pain. It got to the point I could
not stand to make love with him I didn't
care what happed to him. We got into a fight
Valentines Day because I wouldn't read a
card he brought. I had to call the police to
have him removed from my home. We have 3
kids that he calls and when he finish
talking to them he asks to speak to me but I
don't want to talk to him but I hate to act
like that in front of the kids. He tells me
how wrong he was for not treating me like he
should have and he try to tell me he loves
me but I look at it this way if he really
loved me like he claims he would have got a
job and worked to take care of his family
like a man. LaDawn I took care of this man
for 12 years. We have been apart for about
2 months and and we are not going to get
back together. I would like to see other
people I'm not looking for a husband just
someone to spend time with. Do you
think it's to soon for my children to see
their mother with another man? I think I did
all I could to hold my marriage together and
I shouldn't feel guilty if I want to see
other men.
Lonely
Dear Lonely:
Lonely:
Personally I think 12 years
is long enough to allow anyone time to get
themselves together and become responsible.
You have put in the time and you deserve to
be happy in a relationship. That being said
I do not think that it is too soon to start
looking for a companion.
Realize that you have a
strong history and children with your ex and
it is going to take some time for you guys
to really scale your relationship down to
just a parenting one. He will call and talk
to the kids, but really wants to talk to
you. You will be nervous about dating and
what effect it may have on your children.
These are minor stress points as you stretch
out and pursue the life that you were meant
to have.
In the beginning I will
advise you to keep your dating quiet. Every
new man does not need to meet or even know
about your children. Give your children
some time to just see mom dressing sexier,
taking care of herself or maybe hanging out
with her friends before you let them know
that mommy is dating. Make sure that you
sell your new changes and interests as mommy
trying to be happy and fulfilled and not
that mommy is looking for a new daddy. In
time the children will see that you are more
satisfied and they will be more open to new
love in your life.
- LaDawn
Hello La Dawn:
I need
your opinion, I have been dating this guy
for several years off and on and he's always
telling me how much he loves me. We both
live in different cities, but we communicate
with each other on a regular basis. He is
several years older than I am and that is
really not an issue. The issue that I am
having is I used to visit him in his city at
least 3 or 4 times a year to keep the
relationship going, but this has changed to
at least 1 time a year but he continues to
call me everyday on a regular basis to keep
the communication. I, noticed on several
occasions when I did visit with him all of
his close friends seem to be Gay, but he
continues to tell me what his friends do is
their business, he guarantees me he is a
straight man. I have always been told that a
straight man is not going to keep a close
relationship with someone that is Gay.
I trust
what he has told me and promised me for all
these years. But after I look back on this
long-term relationship, I realize that each
time that I have visited him we never have a
sexual relationship. He always provides me
with a very nice hotel and treat me with the
up most respect, to sum it up a 'Queen' a
woman could not ask for better treatment,
but the sex and the love making is always
missing to make our visit with each other
complete.
It
doesn't matter how hard I work toward
getting to the point of us making
love he can never get his sex organ to work,
and when I return back to my city he makes
excuses why he was not able to
perform. He's always promising me that we
are going to be married once he gets his
finances where they need to be to support a
wife. I, am very concerned/confused to the
point I have asked him several times during
our conversations, Is, it something you need
to tell me concerning our relationship, and
his response is No, I just love you and I
will be happy when the day comes when we can
be together as one. I am very confused, I
love him, but I do not want to continue
wasting my time with someone that is really
gay and using me for his cover up.
I have
prayed about this situation because this man
is not a young man he is very close to
senior citizen age, if not that already. I,
hope he is not living a double life
and trying to keep me in his life for
whatever reason?
I
appreciate your opinion and your thoughts
concerning my situation. I need direction,
my door is open, and I am trying to decide
if I go or should I stay???
Please
Help.
Sister:
Whew!!! What can I say? You
have identified all of the signs that the
brother may be gay --- homosexual friends,
lack of sexual interest and the fact that he
keeps you away from his home. At the very
least if the brother isn't gay he is showing
you that he has little interest in pursuing
a long-term "normal" relationship with you.
Whatever the real truth is behind his
behavior one thing is crystal clear you
deserve more.
I would
highly suggest that you look to put an end
to this empty relationship. Stop letting
this brother waste your valuable time
DEAR LADAWN:
MY BOYFRIEND OF 7 YEARS IS
VERY JEALOUS. I HAVE DONE THINGS IN THE
PAST TO CAUSE THIS BUT THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO
AND IT WAS NOT SEXUAL, IT WAS STRAIGHT
CONVERSATION. NOW FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS
ITS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO FIND REASONS TO
BREAK IT OFF. HE HAS GONE SO FAR AS TO
INSTALL A HIDDEN CALLER ID, AND GOT MAD WHEN
HE CAME UP WITH NOTHING. SO HE WENT THROUGH
MY CELL PHONE UNTIL HE FOUND A NUMBER THAT
HE DID NOT RECOGNIZE AND THEN TOLD ME TO GO
BE WITH THAT PERSON. HE ONLY ACTS LIKE THIS
WHEN HE’S AROUND HIS EX-WIFE. HE CAN BE
OKAY THE WHOLE WEEK THEN HE’LL COME HOME
FROM PICKING HIS DAUGHTER UP FOR THE WEEKEND
AND HIS WHOLE ENTIRE ATTITUDE HAS CHANGED
AGAINST ME. HE ALSO TALKS TO ME ANY KIND OF
WAY AND I’M TIRED OF IT. I AM TIRED OF
BEING HURT, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO.
PLEASE HELP ME!
L
Dear L:
You bring up a topic that a
lot of sisters are dealing with and that is
a brother who has been hurt in a past
relationship and seems to take those hurts
and let downs out on you. Obviously this
brother has some unresolved issues with his
ex that lead him to judge you more harshly
after he visits with his child. What you
need to do is to get to the heart of his
frustration with his ex. Do you really know
why the relationship dissolved? What type
of relationship was it and what was done to
dissolve the trust? It is only through
understanding his past that you have any
chance to make this relationship work.
Let's just say that the
sister that he was involved with in the past
was a fighter, needy or a nag. You could
unknowingly be giving the brother these same
vibes and making him uncomfortable in the
relationship without even knowing it. If
you don't ask what his problems were in the
past, how can you reassure him that things
are going to be different with you?
- LaDawn
Dear LaDawn:
My boyfriend and I live
together. He has a 1-yr. old daughter who
he's extremely devoted to and tries to spend
time with everyday. That's fine. I have no
problem with that, but his baby's mother
often wants him to go home with her for
holidays (out of state). Not only that, but
the baby's grandmother seems willing and
eager to do whatever it takes to get him
there, (i.e. paying for a plane ticket). I'm
not comfortable with that. It's as if her
family doesn't know, or care, about him
having another girlfriend. I trust him 100%
when it comes to cheating, but going out of
town with her seems a little extreme. Even
though in his mind, he just sees it as
spending the holidays with his child, I feel
disrespected. Am I trippin’ to be so
concerned?
Sister,
No, you are not crazy! It is
one thing for the brother to be incredibly
close to his child and a whole other thing
for him to be still extremely close to his
child's mom and grandparents. The alarms
should be going off because if anything you
should be going with him to these little
family gatherings.
The fact that his child’s
mother and family keep trying to pull him
away from you shows that they still want the
relationship to grow. If they were truly
interested only in having him spend the
holidays with his child then they would have
no problem with you traveling with him at
your own cost and staying at a hotel with
him while he does the family thing. These
have to be sensible and see that if the
brother were to get married no woman in her
right mind would allow her husband to spend
time around the ex without her. So, I figure
there is no time like the present to get
them use to having you around.
- LaDawn
Dear LaDawn,
I met this guy
about a year ago. I was not particularly
lonely, nor was I desperate when he
approached me and asked for my number. He
told me from the beginning that he was
dating someone else, for exactly 3 years.
She does not live with him, but she is there
on most weekends. He spends a lot of time
with me when he can, (we both work a lot and
we both work second shift). Whenever he
takes me to his house during the week, I can
see her things all over the house, maybe
they’re left there to ward off any other
females, but of course, you know that does
not work. I do make love to him, in the same
bed that she has been in or visa-versa. He
is very good to me in so many ways.
Whatever my heart desires, if it is within
his power he will give it to me. The sex is
OK, because he is probably burning the
candles at both ends (he is 45) I just don't
feel as though she has any more right to him
than I do, because they are not married. He
is a free agent. I must admit, I actually
enjoy making love to him in the same bed
that she has been in. She leaves a mess
around for any woman that may visit
him--dirty underwear on the floor, her
nightgown, hair curlers on the kitchen
table. To me, it’s like a dog that urinates
on a fire hydrant. She knows about me,
because I told her several months ago. She
was quiet and kind of shocked, but very
humble with the news. She is not my enemy
by any means, but she must realize that I
plan to share this man with her, by choice,
no desperation. As far as me having a
question for you, here goes. Why does he get
upset when I date other men? I am not
concerned about his pouting, because he is
someone that will always be unfaithful to a
woman and I know this.
Sister:
Thanks for
clearly outlining your view of your
relationship. While some will read your
letter and feel pity or confusion over your
situation; clearly you are a thinking sister
who knows all of the players in the game and
you are willing to play.
As far as the
man-sharing thing goes, it seems that all
three of you are adults and are fully aware
of what is taking place. My only words of
advice to you are to make sure you guys are
practicing safe sex because you just don't
know who this other women may be seeing when
she isn't with your man.
Your final
question is a good one and one that all
sisters deal with at some point. Why can he
see others, but I can't? Men are very
territorial and they get really possessive
of the sex. Women on the other hand are
just as territorial, but we have a tendency
to want to own the heart. A man views any
type of attention that you pay to another
man as having a sexual end. Where women
know that we can go out and date and nothing
sexual could necessarily be going on. To
that end what your man is really concerned
about is who you are sleeping with and not
who you are just spending time around. You
need to let him know really what an open
relationship is and that it doesn't just go
one way. If he plans on keeping his sister
on the side, then you should be able to have
your brother on the side as well. Know that
this is not going to go over easy, but you
need make it clear to him that you are not
interested in being held captive by his
demands of monogamy on your part while he is
free to chase his fantasies.
- L
HEY LADAWN:
I HAVE A PROBLEM I DON'T KNOW
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP I AM IN. I MEAN
THERE'S NO COMMITMENT OR ANYTHING BUT THE
THINGS WE DO TOGETHER IT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE
COMMITTED. WE SPEND HOLIDAYS TOGETHER AND
WE SPEND A LOT OF TIME WITH EACH OTHER.
IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS AND I KNOW ITS NOT A
LONG TIME BUT HE HAS TWO LITTLE GIRLS AND I
HAVEN'T MET THEM YET. AND HE HASN'T SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT US BEING TOGETHER IN A
RELATIONSHIP BUT HE LETS ME KNOW THAT THERE
ISN'T ANYONE ELSE. I DON'T WANT TO RUSH HIM
OR ANYTHING BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE HANGING
AROUND FOR NOTHING OR GIVING A MAN ALL
I HAVE AND FOR HIM NOT TO DO THE SAME. HE
SAYS THAT HE IS NOT BASING HIS LAST
EXPERIENCE IN THE PAST ON HIS FUTURE SO HE
CLAIM IT'S NOT A WALL THAT HE IS BUILDING
AROUND HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? I
WANT TO TELL HIM HOW I REALLY FEEL AND THAT
I LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO BE WITH HIM. YOU
KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, IT TAKES TWO YEARS FOR A
MAN TO PROPOSE TO YOU AND ABOUT TWO MONTHS
FOR A REAL RELATIONSHIP THESE DAYS TO
DEVELOP. IT'S BEEN FIVE FOR ME I DON'T WANT
TO SCARE HIM AND RUN HIM AWAY BUT I DO WANT
HIM TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL. I HOPE IF I
DO TELL HIM THAT HE WON’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF
MY FEELINGS. WE ARE YOUNG, HE IS 25 AND I
AM 21, BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE THAT SHOULD BE
TOO MUCH OF AN ISSUE. I GUESS I HAVE TO
TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.
YOURS TRULY,
CRYING OUT
Crying Out:
It is great
that you are so focused on what you want out
of love. You should never be with someone
who is unable or unwilling to meet your
needs.
The brother
that you are seeing appears to be interested
in a casual relationship where nothing
"official" is stated. He seems to be honest
with you about what he wants and he is
leaving the ball in your court as to whether
or not you can deal with it.
At this point
you need to decide if you are willing to
remain this brother's hook-up partner. If
not, you need to send him on his way because
you will both be frustrated in the
relationship. However, if you are willing
to stay casual, make sure you let him know
that you are willing to do this for a time,
but that one day you will need more. Make
sure you set a time line so that you don't
wake up years down the road without the
commitment that you crave.
- L
Dear LaDawn,
I met
this boy in July of 2003, my cousin's
ex-boyfriend hooked me up with him and we
were together until February of 2003. I
really didn't know why or how we broke up
but he kept telling me that he told me that
I knew this was going to happen. We kept
being friends, having sex, being with each
other all the time and going out and he was
having sex with other people. I didn't like
this because I was still in love with him.
We would get mad if one of us were talking
with someone else. I never talked with
anyone because I wanted him. Although I
would think about him I tried to do better
things with my life. In November he got
locked up and suddenly wanted to talk to
me. He began calling my house and sending
me letters that I never received. He says
he doesn’t want me to forget about him. I
didn't forget about him because he hasn't
forgotten me. I am still in love with him.
He was my first everything but he's been out
since January 28 on house arrest and I asked
him what kind of relationship do we have now
and he says we are just close friends, when
I thought we were more than that. I know
when he gets off house arrest and getting to
being outside he will hurt me again with
talking to other girls and all. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO, PLEASE HELP ME WITH SOME ADVICE.
Confused Girl
Confused Girl:
The answer to your question
is so unbelievably clear. Stop being
available to this brother. He has shown you
time and time again that he wants a casual
relationship with you and you just keep
giving what he wants when you know that you
crave a a more committed relationship.
The jail fire was just him
reaching out to anyone on the outside in
order to still fell connected and loved.
Brothers do this all the time to sisters not
always out of true love, but out of a true
need to have some support while they are in.
So let go of the dream that
once his house arrest is over you guys will
morph into supper couple because more likely
than not this will not happen. You have to
decide if you want to stay a friend with
benefits or is it finally time to find a
brother who can love you the way that you
really need to be loved?
- LaDawn
Hi LaDawn,
I just recently started reading the web site
and I have an issue that is driving me
nuts. So, I'm ready for some tough love.
I've been dating a guy for about the last 3
months, and it's been great. Except, for
the last 3wks there's been no intimacy other
than us lying next to each other and the
occasional cuddling. I'm starting to feel
like he only wants to see me to get away
from whatever he's doing in the city. I say
that because he'll come over and just lay on
my lap, and go straight to sleep.
Now, I'm not sure whether this is a good
thing, because he does make sure that he
comes and sees me at least 3x's a week.
But, there's absolutely no intimacy. I'm
really confused as to what I've become to
him, everytime I try to let him know how I
feel; I feel soft afterwards as if I
shouldn't have said anything at all. I want
him to tell me what role he wants me to be
in his life, so that I can do that and
devote my full attention to someone that
wants me. But, then again I'm not sure if
this is his way of expressing his feelings.
LaDawn, please help me!!
Dazed
and Confused
Dazed and Confused:
What good is a brother who
uses you as a pillow. The fact that he
doesn't have sex with you doesn't send up
red flags. What I think is alarming is that
there appears to be no dating, communication
or any relationship vibe going on. If he
needs somewhere peaceful to lay his head,
next time I suggest you point him in the
direction of the nearest Motel 6. Sister,
don't play yourself. You know nothing is
going on here. End it and send that brother
to his next rest stop.
- LaDawn
Greetings LaDawn,
If my profanity is
inexcusable, you may edit. I am a
24-year-old brotha who has been married for
8 months to a beautiful black BBW that I've
known for almost 3 years. Before my wife I
had insecurities about my dick size because
I figured that every sista in the world was
always looking for a brotha that fills a
Magnum. Well, I don't!! I am at about 6.75"
and she has been with men about 9" and 10"
from what she told me while we were just
friends. The sex between us has been good,
but I think that it's good to her only
because we have more love between us than
she's ever experienced. When I asked her
about me JUST SEXUALLY, she never gave me a
straight answer. I do give her orgasms
during intercourse and my tongue game
guaranteed her orgasm every time. Sometimes
I feel unequal to her sexually. I always
seem to be physically average in everything
to her including dick size. So here's my
questions:
--Does size REALLY matters
when you're in love?
--Is it highly possible
for some "king ding-a-ling" brotha to seduce
her?
--She wants to do a 3-some
with another man in the distant future,
should I be concerned with how big he is or
just let her fulfill her fantasy with my
approval? Am I being slightly insecure and
tripping over nothing?
Average Brotha
Average Brother:
Thanks for your
communication. You bring up a point that a
lot of ladies don't think really exists -
brothers are sometimes insecure about their
bodies as well.
As for whether or not size
really matters, I would say it truly
doesn't. Most vaginal openings are not made
to accommodate 10-inch members. So a
brother who is especially long isn't doing
much more physically than an average
brother. When women go on and on about
penis size it’s usually all about that
initial thrill of seeing it unveiled not the
actual power of it during intercourse. The
same way a brother’s eyes bug out when a
woman has a huge bust - ladies get carried
away at a massive unveiling. Rest assured
your average member is able to hit all the
needed spots right on cue- no extra inches
needed.
Now I would caution you the
same way that I caution the ladies. Don't
enter into a ménage unless you are totally
confident about your sexual abilities. If
you were to let another brother into the
room with the feeling that you expressed in
the letter, you would just be setting
yourself up for relationship failure. Build
yourself up in the one-on-one and then think
about possibly adding another. Why compete
if you don't have to?
- L
Hi LaDawn:
My name is Tee I am in love
with this DJ but I don’t know how to tell
him I want to be with him. A lot of girls
like him but I don’t care because I like him
for him not because he a disc jockey. When
I see him he makes my heart melt. I’m not
going to tell you his name because I don’t
what anyone to know. I live in Baltimore,
MD. He has kids. I don’t have any but I
want one with him.
Sister:
We have all been in the
position where we want someone who may not
be available or the best person for you.
There is nothing wrong with your attraction,
but you may want to consider whether or not
this is the guy you should give your heart
to.
A man in entertainment
industry even on the local level has many
women knocking on his door. Do you want to
be one of many or the one? Also, he already
has children and you don't. Do you really
want to be a step mom, deal with baby momma
drama or become just another baby momma?
No doubt this brother may be
hot and more than likely I work with him
(one major station in Baltimore:) I think
you need to give yourself the best chance at
love and this guy may not be it.
Hi LaDawn,
I want to talk to you about
this woman I love so much I worry if it's messing up my
decisions about my daughter. I'm raising my daughter in her
household and she has more than a few girls and one is in
college in another city. Anyway, she's a good woman but we have
a serious problem. My daughter. She told on several occasions
how hard it is for her to get along with my daughter and that
really hurts. When she first told me it was like someone just
shot me in the heart. I couldn't understand what the problem
was my daughter when for at least two years I've been around her
and her girls and treated them like they were my own. I've
provided and supported as best I could in every way and has
always given more than what is expected of someone you're not
married to. Sometimes I want to leave and can't because of my
feeling for her. I want my daughter to be in an environment
where she could be herself. She's not bad at all, not even
remotely. In my friend's case, she's had a tough life and I
understand that and we've both worked together to improve who we
are by supporting each other emotionally and in other ways.
I've been thinking about moving to the State where I've grown
and where my family lives. It's very hard for a man to raise a
daughter but I think I do pretty well but I also know she's
needs to be around women to become a woman. Should I leave or
am I being selfish for wanting to stay.
Sincerely,
Stay or Leave
Dear Stay or Leave:
Brother, right now your chief concern should be
the development of your daughter. The truth is that all of us
do not have the ability to love, take care of and cherish a
partner's children as our own. Obviously you were able to that
with your partner's children, but she cannot return the favor.
Don't be mad with her - step parenting is not for everyone. In
this case I would say that you might be better off removing your
daughter from this environment.
You may want to consider getting your own place
and raising your daughter and still date this sister letting her
know that your first obligation is to your child and her
success. This will let your partner know that you still love
and want to be with her, but that you still feel that role as
parent is the more dominant one.
If you choose to keep the relationship the way it
is know that your daughter may be getting the short end of the
stick. If you can live with this situation and it's possible,
realize that there is a cost - your daughter may grow to resent
this new relationship. What do you want? A well-adjusted child
for life or the love of a woman for right now - the decision
seems clear.
LaDawn
Dear LaDawn:
My boyfriend, also the father of my child, and I
got into a really big (fist) fight. I told myself that if I'd
ever have to come a point where my boyfriend and I would have to
fight, then I would just leave the whole situation
(relationship) alone. After the fight, he's been calling
telling me how much he loves me and wants to still be with me
and how much he is sorry for what has happened. Part of me
wants go out and find better and this is how my actions are
showed towards him, but only I know how I truly feel. I think
about him constantly and I really do miss him, but I still
cannot forget that fight. We actually fought as if we were
enemies. That was the first time he made me cry and he told me
that he cried as well. What should I do?
Sister:
Violence is never good in a relationship. If
violence rears its head once, a good bet is that it will come up
again. Another truth is that a lot of times the most abusive
mates are excellent at the make-up. That's how they keep their
mates even when things get rough.
My suggestion to you is to keep down the path of
distancing yourself from this man. Realize that your love for
him is not going disappear overnight. Love takes a while to
dull down. Personally I don't believe that you ever stop loving
a person, just that as time and distance increase you slowly let
go of the intensity and you able to move on. So stay your course
and realize that it will get easier with time.
LaDawn
Dear LaDawn:
I've been seeing this guy for seven or more
years. We met in college. Since that time I have gained weight
and he keeps telling how I need to lose it. He will say, "At
least I'm being honest; most brothers would cheat or just
leave." Is this right?
Confused
Dear Confused:
Don't beat the brother up for being honest. He
is actually doing a very loving thing by being honest with you
about a small problem that if not monitored can turn into a very
large one. He is right - a lot of brothers won't tell you that
they have a problem with your looks they will just move on to
the next. Your man gets some kudos for being honest with you.
The next step is yours. Do you have a problem
with your weight? If not, tell the brother thanks for his input
and keep on stepping. However, if you know that he is dead on
about the weight thing enlist him as your weight loss partner.
Ask him to stop complaining and go out for a walk with you or
have him make you healthy meals.
I promise you that if you enlist him as a partner
in your weight loss program he will be more careful about his
snap weight comments.
LaDawn
Dear LaDawn,
My friends are sick of my
story by now, and yet I feel they have given me no good advice,
so maybe you could help me. About a year ago I met this brother
who I've actually known of for years, he hangs out in the same
clubs as me and knows my friends. I've always kinda had a good
feeling about him, which turned out to be true one night, when
we talked until five in the morning. Gosh we just had everything
in common, it clicked totally and even things I feel I can't
talk to anyone about, like spiritual journeys, culture, ideas,
what not, he just responded and showed he had experienced
similar things. At the time he had a girlfriend though and I
knew there was no chance of us ever getting together as they
were probably getting married. I couldn't stop thinking about
him, and yet I was half-seeing this other guy who, after having
met “The One”, started turning me off more and more. I mean he
was nothing in comparison. Well after about two months I saw him
again at a party and it was just electric between us. He said he
was attracted to me and all but he'd been with that girl through
thick and thin and they had been together for 6 years and so on.
Now, after another two months they broke up after all. I don't
know whether I had something to do with it. I called him up and
then we started seeing each other. We slept together, we talked
and talked and I was just falling more and more in love with
him. I felt all my life I had waited for this guy, that
everything which had been lacking in other brothers was there in
one and the same person: he had a job, he was mature, he was
intelligent, spiritual, creative, a musician at his free time,
extremely sexy and caring etc.
Now, I can't really explain
what happened next. That's where I need your help. We dated for
about 4 months and as he's just broken up with her he said he
didn't want to start something serious so soon which I
respected. I don't know whether I pushed him too hard. But
frankly I was just mad about him. I told him how much I loved
him and how I felt but he said I should not fall in love with
him, that even though he had never met anybody like me and I was
so special and truly attractive and mature and what not, he
wasn't ready. Well, the usual stuff. Point is, now he's stopped
calling me completely. First I didn't get the point so I kept
calling him and asking him to see me but to tell the truth he
did not seem at all as interested as before. I kinda made a
scene about it but that just repelled him so I realized if I’m
ever gonna have a chance with this guy I better stay away so he
doesn't see how desperate I am about him. It’s been 3 months
now and we haven’t spoken. What I don't understand is: If I
feel that our conversations, our sex life, everything - is
unique and that my life now is empty without him, how come he
doesn’t seem to miss me? I know he felt the same, - we are both
artistic and creative people so it is very rare to find someone
that you can discuss art, writing and music with who isn't some
irresponsible wino. This man has given me more compliments than
any other guy I have been with. So I am wondering, why do you
think this happened? What should I do? Is there a chance of me
ever getting with him again? Now I have started seeing the old
guy again but he leaves me completely unhappy, he is nothing but
a substitute.
Shaleen
Shaleen:
You are in a predicament that a lot of sisters
find themselves in the mysterious disappearing perfect man
situation. You gave him your all and he gave you his and you
guys were magic together until one day he decided to disappear.
Where did he go? Why did he go? If everything was so perfect,
why isn't he here now?
In your case I will say that the brother was
looking to get out of the six-year relationship before he bumped
into to you. You were just the spark to get him moving on his
desire to be free of a committed relationship. For a few months
he was able play the role of ultimate lover and partner, but
slowly you turned into the old girl wanting him to be serious
about the relationship and all of the feelings involved. Yet
another sister looking for a committed relationship and not just
a fun and freaky ride.
You were not wrong in this situation - you just
did not read it correctly. He did want to be with you, but he
wanted that connection without ties. The only way to make this
brother come back is to say that you will love him on his terms
-- sex and good times and no real commitment. If you can do
this and not harbor regrets, then I say call the brother up and
let it be known. However, if you are a normal sister looking
for a healthy relationship let the brother go because he is not
interested in what you want and you will be just as bad as he is
for playing the role of the happy lover.
LaDawn Black is the author of the
bestselling relationship guide Stripped Bare: 10 Tested Truths for Landing the Very Best Black Man. Black is also the host of Baltimore’s number one overnight radio relationship show the Love Zone on 92Q
(92.3 FM) where she provides listeners with real world advice on love, relationships and sex. For more information or to
contact LaDawn directly visit
www.ladawnblack.com.
LaDawn
on duty at the Black Men In America.com Relationship Desk
If
you want advice that only a sista can give you, or you need some tough
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