Dear LaDawn:
My boyfriend and I have
been together for almost 2 years and in that
time we have never cheated on each other. We
have also been able to build a successful
business together. One of the biggest problems
we have is that he has a fetish with females'
bootys. There have been a few times when he has
been gawking at a girl's butt and I have found
it disrespectful. Now its at a point that he
does it and he lies about it. After seeing him
do it several times I have reached a conclusion
that I don't want to deal with it at all. I
talked to him about it in the past several
times, I explained to him how it makes me feel
disrespected, it hurts and if I would have known
that it would be like this in the beginning, I
would not have engaged in this type of a
relationship with him, I would have kept him as
a friend. He protests that this is a small thing
and that I should not be bothered by it and the
fact that I am bothered by it is my problem.
We have both invested a lot
into our relationship and our business, but I
feel like his immature behavior is causing me a
great deal of stress which in turn is affecting
the business and everything else. He says often
(and I know it to be true) that things could
always be worse. I tell him, "Should become
accustomed to settling for less?"
Please tell me if this is
just some psychosis of my own mind, blatant
immaturity, disrespect or something that comes
along with dating a black man in Northern
California.
Sister:
Let me
be really honest with you. There is absolutely
nothing wrong with looking/gawking/appreciating
the human form. If your man likes to look, let
him look because the truth is that you probably
get your "look" on when a fine brother crosses
your path. The difference is that you are
probably more subtle, your man doesn't care and
doesn't notice or you don't discuss your
fondness for broad shoulders or sexy lips with
him. Yes, you are being extremely sensitive and
to ask the man not to notice other women is
simply insanity. There is nothing wrong with
looking. When he tries to get closer to the
booty by asking its phone number or following it
home -- then get concerned.
- L
Hi LaDawn,
I have been dating the same woman for just over
4 yrs (2 yrs as a couple).
Neither of us have children; both are
homeowners. Over the course of this 2 yr
period, I decided that she was the one I would
marry - and made it known. We both talk about
future plans to be together; how things might be
on a daily basis, etc.. I will and have done
just about anything for her - handyman, cash
till payday, give space to hit the happy hour
with her friends, etc.. Also, we are no
strangers to each other’s family. At times I
believe she would like to spend more time doing
activities with my family than we currently do.
However, it does not seem to be a cause for
major problems. I say all this to say we are
very good friends who support each other.
When it comes to lovemaking we fall off big
time! For the last 18 months or so, my
discipline has been periodically tested in that
along with no lovemaking, there was no solid
explanation and just a nonchalant attitude
toward addressing the situation. Often, I would
act like a jerk and pout (not a good look for
me) to show my disappointment. The past few
months have been much of the same except, I am
more cognizant of my reaction to these
emotions. Nowadays, I am suppressing my desires
in order to prevent conflict.
Recently, I learn that the pace of the
relationship or lack of has contributed to this
fall off. She told me she felt like we were not
moving - so I asked, "Ideally, where should this
relationship be (or what should it be like) just
before marriage?" She replied, "I don't know."
Then she's back to my best friend again. Even
that conversation I had to ask all the questions
about why has our love life fell off.
Is this relationship failing and I just can't
see it? Why do I feel so unfulfilled when I
have a good woman at home? Why do I leave for
work from her house - thinking where can I get
some? I am finding it harder to provide all
these perks and pleasantries when I too often
feel, let down. Why would a brother want to
move forward into marriage with this aspect of
the relationship so suspect. Am I being
threatened into marriage - is that legal? Do we
both have too much pride to accommodate each
other? Please help.
-b
B:
Brother I am going to be
honest with you. This sister is backing off of
the sex because she has other plans outside of
having a relationship with you. When women are
trying to figure out whether or not they should
stay in a relationship often the first thing to
go is sexual intimacy. We are wired to be open
to a man that we desire and it is hard to be
open physically and mentally to a man that we no
longer desire. Now I am not saying that she is
seeing someone else. More than likely it is
just a thought process that she is working her
way through and it is manifesting itself in
being physically distant.
You need to ask her
straight up if she is trying to make any hard
decisions regarding your relationship. Let her
know that you are interested in having the
relationship continue but not in its current
passionless form. Don't be surprised if a river
of her thoughts and feelings comes to the
surface as she really lets you know what the
whole no sex thing is all about.
- L
LaDawn,
I have been married for
six years and it was hell from the very
beginning. Everyone tried to discourage me
from it, but I was 'In Love'. I spent a
considerable amount of money on our
honeymoon so that it would be memorable...it was, because she
stopped talking to me. She wanted to argue
and the whole nine.
By nature I am not an
argumentative person and I try to avoid
confrontations with the people I love.
Anyway as time moved on we continue to be
like that roller coaster. So finally three
years ago I asked for a divorce. She claimed
and promised to change. I really wanted it
to work and I believed her, so I stayed. We
had a little girl who is the greatest
treasure I could ever find! Now we have
twins and she is starting to do everything
she used to. I am truly lost. I grew up with
my parents separated and I never wanted that
for my kids. Now I feel that I have dragged
them into something that could be
emotionally and mentally taxing on them.
I have been trying to
get transferred to another site, but I know
all I am doing is running from the
situation.
Like some of your other
readers, I could go much more in-depth, but
I'm sure you don't have the time.
Exhausting my soul!
Thank you my queen.
Brother:
What a situation to
be in! It doesn't seem like there was ever
a time where you were happy or peaceful in
this relationship. At this point you have to
really stop worrying about your mate and
really dig deep and decide what is best for
you and your children. Kids know when their
parents are unhappy with one another no
matter how good of a show you guys are
putting on. And personally the idea of
having to play at happiness for the next 20+
years is a huge burden to carry. Don't run
from the situation by getting a job transfer
because you guys will still be together
fighting long distance.
It's time to be an
adult and confront the state of your
relationship. Take the time to live apart
and see if this feels better. Agree early
on that the kids are a priority and no
matter what you guys will do your best to
co-parent. True separation and divorce does
affect children, but just think how much
constant arguing, confusion and contempt is
affecting them everyday. Its time to get
real and possibly make a change.
L
Dear LaDawn
I just found your site
and it piqued my interest. Here is my
problem. I have been married for almost 10
years. During that time maybe a year and a
half have been pleasant. We have a child
together (he is almost 8 years old). This
was my first marriage and her 2nd. Here is
a part of the problem. We clearly discussed
what I was looking for in a mate. I have a
strong relationship in Christ and I believe
that a man is the head of the household
(meaning that I must take ultimate
responsibility for my family). This was
something I was quite explicit about before
we got married and she agreed to this.
Since then, nothing I have brought up has
she agreed to. She has yet to get any
identification in my name even though she
still gets mail in her former husbands
name. Once she got our child's medications
and they used her former married name for my
child. I had a fit, but when I brought it
up to her she said she didn't know that that
would be such a problem.
I have come home from
work and found her with a male co-worker in
our home after she told me that they were
going to have lunch in a town 30 miles
away. They were shocked when I showed up at
my home around 10:30am. I was doing all of
the laundry and cooking. I was getting only
5 hours of sleep a night. Again when I
brought this up to her, she said she didn't
know that this would be a problem. She has
invited former boyfriends to my mother's
home for barbecues. Our guests would always
ask about her at these outings because she
would never come out and mingle with them.
When her old boyfriend showed up we watched
in amazement as she ran out of the house and
started grilling food for them. At our
son's last birthday I took him (he's is
disabled) to an amusement park for the first
time in his life. She wouldn't go. My
cousin came with her children instead. The
next day we went on a ride he had been dying
to get on. She went to that, but
immediately left. When he got strep throat
I took him to the doctor and kept him. She
went to the Pocono’s to visit her
girlfriend.
I owned a house before
we were married, it was supposed to be my
first home until I could afford another
one. All we had to pay for was the
utilities and the taxes. She told me that
it was too far from her job. I got her an
opportunity to work in the town that I lived
in and where the house was and she refused.
I only found out this year that she just
didn't want to live there. She told her
mother and she just told me that she didn't
want to live there because there were too
many Hispanics in the area. Before we were
dating she lived with a Hispanic. I gave up
the house to live with her in a 1-bedroom
basement apartment that I paid monthly rent
for. There were times when I was so tired
after work and returning to the apartment
that I almost crashed by falling asleep
while driving (her apartment was almost 2
hours away from where I used to live and
work).
I gave up my job in my
old town and took a $10,000 pay cut because
she wanted me to work in the area we live
in. When I brought up her deception she
said that I should let the past be the
past. Recently she has been going out on
dates with her former boyfriend who is a
doctor. This is the same person her first
husband would argue about because she was
always with him. I asked her why didn't she
marry him? She said that he was too short
but he is rich and promises her that he will
assist her in her music career. He has told
her this before but has never come through.
I, on the other hand, got her on television
and a chance to meet Melba Moore and sing
for her. She used to get mad at me when I
wanted to know where she was on Friday
evenings. She told me she always gets her
hair done on Fridays. These dates, which
she has admitted to, were on Friday
evenings. There is much more, but suffice
it to say that Ministers who know me and my
wife, friends and relatives have been
telling me for years that she is only
interested in herself and I should end this
marriage. To be honest, she has claimed
that I am not as intimate with her as I used
to be. I asked her if she remembered when
we were intimate? She admitted that it was
when we did things together (prayed, did
Bible study together, went to the movies
together etc). Things that I told her I was
looking for in a mate before
we got married. She says that I should be
more intimate with her. My feelings of
intimacy came from her saying and doing the
things I was looking for in a mate. I
wouldn't have married her if she hadn't
assured me that she was interested in these
things. I even tried to be more intimate
with her earlier this year. In the middle
of it she told me to stop because she
"wasn't feeling this."
LaDawn I will never be
intimate with her again until she apologizes
for that (she has already laughed that off
saying if I really wanted her I would be
chasing her). There is only a year
difference in our ages so age isn't an issue
as far as I know. What would you advise?
If it weren't for my son and the fact that I
have spent every cent I have on keeping this
family together, I would be gone by now.
People who know both of us that I am going
to go to an early grave if I stay in this
marriage have told me. Also, she is a
terrible mother. Our child has more of a
relationship with the baby sitter than with
her. The baby sitter, who is on a fixed
income bought our child a birthday gift. My
wife didn't even get him a birthday card.
He had trouble sleeping and she was giving
him medication to make him go to sleep. I
talked with him and made sure he went to bed
at an appropriate time and we haven't had
that problem anymore. Once when our child
couldn't sleep he went into the bedroom with
her and she made him leave the bedroom
saying that she needed to get her sleep.
I will take your advice into prayerful
consideration.
Thank you for reading
this "novel!"
Brother:
Your story is an
incredible one filled with disappointment
and denial. I am going to get to the heart
of the matter. The sister is not interested
in being a mom or wife. All of her actions
scream wanting to be out of her current
situation so that she can be free to pursue
her goals. Nothing in her actions during
your marriage show compromise or
understanding. The truth is that you
probably should have left her years ago
before compromising your finances or
exposing your son to her indifference.
It is hard for
brothers to understand that there are women
who exist who are horrible moms and don't
have a lick of the nurturing gene that most
women seem to possess. Just like there are
brothers out there that are better served to
be bachelors forever -- trust that there are
sisters out there who need to always be on
their own. This is the type of sister that
you are joined to because even her "ideal
doctor brother" is not husband worthy.
What you need to do
at this point is sure up what is really
important -- your son and your financial
position so that you can go. Love can only
take a relationship so far and then you have
to really look at whether or not you are
pleased within a relationship and also
whether or not there is any growth. My
guess is you have zeros in both columns.
Now is the time to lean on your family,
friends and spiritual community to dissolve
this long broken union and get you back on
the right path.
- LaDawn
Hey Miss LaDawn,
I might a guy on one of
the popular sites on the web. He wrote to me
first addressing his interested to meet me
in the future. I checked his profile as he
may have checked mine. I we’ve been out on a
couple of dates even though he lives two
hours away from me. Now it’s September and
we haven’t spoken in awhile until I found
his number on my phone view list. I called
this number thinking it was my girlfriend’s
number but it was his. He was acting like
everything was okay, like we were right
where we left off. I asked him if he was
playing games, or if he was seeing anyone
else, he told me no and I am his baby girl.
LaDawn please help me
solve this mystery of this man who seems to
be perfect in everyway but there must be
something that is holding our relationship
back from being official.
Mona,
Dover, DE
Sister:
I think I am going
to get T-shirts with this statement on it,
"If a man really wants you he will be where
you are!" I get these questions all the
time from readers and listeners about the
disappearing brother or the brother who
never seems to have time for you. The
universal truth is that sometimes men change
their minds and all of the attention early
on in the relationship can go away if he has
decided that you are not the woman for him.
Sisters do this
disappearing act too. Just think of the
brothers who may not have gotten past one
phone call or date with you and how even
though they continued to reach out you never
responded and you hoped that they would one
day get the hint. Don't you think brothers
do the exact same thing? So, stop chasing
this brother. He is simply being polite
when you guys speak. If he wanted to be
with you, you would not be wondering if --
you'd know.
- L
Dear LaDawn:
In February 2003, I met
and dated a man 10 years my senior, I was 29
at the time, (we will call him James) we
work for the same company, he was in
supervision on 2nd shift and I was a regular
employee on 1st shift, our paths crossed, we
worked on a project together, sparks flew.
At the time, neither of us was single when
we met. My relationship was already on the
rocks, and ended 3 months or so after I met
James. James was in a long distance
relationship with a woman in NY. So about 6
months after we met, he ended the
relationship with the woman in NY and at
this time, we had gotten close but had not
crossed the physical line because that was
the agreement. We started hanging out
frequently on the weekends with or without
his daughters (he was married for 13 years
to his high school sweetheart) fishing
together late night early morning and
talking while he was working, taking weekend
trips, because we could not be seen at work
or around work together with him being a
supervisor (the only one of color in the
building) and me a regular associate, I
accepted that because I knew how our place
of employment could be and he is a hard
working man and I did not want to be the
downfall of him. There were the people we
were both friends with that knew we were
dating and there were rumors at work that we
were dating but no ever really knew. I was
in love. I found the man that was every
single thing I had been looking for.
This man worked hard.
He is honest, a good father, a kind man who
won't say too much unkind to anyone unless
provoked. A southern man that would cook
and clean too. An all around good guy and
reminded me of my dad with those qualities
and had his trials and tribulations but did
not let them hold him back at all. This
arrangement went on for over a year. I
would cook dinner and bring him lunch in, so
when he got to work, there would be food for
him in the fridge at work. We worked well
together as a couple, when I needed things
for my car done, we would switch in the
morning, I drive his truck to work and he
would take care of my car stuff before he
came to work, switch keys back when he got
to work and I drive my car home. We spent
time at each other's apartments, keys
were exchanged. I would do laundry and he
would iron everything for myself and him for
the entire week. I was in love
with this man. Then the world that I knew
and loved came crashing down hard...he
started to back away and I didn't know why.
He would not come as often after work.
Finally he got
transferred out of the building we both
worked into another building and I thought
well now we can be more free since he isn't
in the building any more and then he did the
unthinkable and broke up with me in an email
and I lost my mind, literally. I sat at my
desk that morning, reading an email he wrote
the night before @ 12:17 AM and I cried, so
much so I just had to go home and did not
work the rest of the week...he said, he
needed someone one he could be open to be
with and not have to hide because of work.
He said, I deserved better than that. So I
did not respond for a while because I didn't
know how to. I did not want to come across
immature and say the wrong thing, but I was
hurting and he needed to know that.
For 4 or 5 months we
did not talk but sporadically and he would
have to come back to the building where I
still worked and the first time I saw him,
the minute he walked away I broke down right
then and there.
I get a different
position and I move to an office job 4
months later so does he and comes back to
the building I am in. Things rekindled
shortly after he came in to the office we
started back up but he was still in limbo
dealing with the other woman, which I found
out later she was a white woman and that
just stabbed me right in the heart. The ex
boyfriend before him had also met and
married at white woman, so this was a sore
subject with me. After a few months of
being in this threesome, I asked for a
decision he could not and would not answer
and finally it just ended again. His dept
got moved to another location, so I did not
have to see him again.
It is now August 2006
and about 2 weeks ago I find out she is
working in the building with him in the
company, I was hurt to find that out and
told him as much. I said if it was not about
us working together, then it was just me he
didn't want and he said it wasn't the same
thing because she was from the outside and
not someone he had dealings with when he was
in supervision. So today, after all this
time, I am hurting still.
I know we don't have a future and yet I
can't get over him! I have not had a
boyfriend. I have a person that has loved
me since we children but I don't love him
and he is in Florida and I am in Ohio.
I need help. Almost
every day I cry thinking about him. What
can I do to get over him and be able to let
someone else love me?? Or learn how to even
love myself again. I had given up hope in
God, wondering how he could let me hurt so
much and bring someone into my life that
made me feel this way only to have it end
the way it did.
Can you offer any
advice?
Broken Sista
Broken Sista:
Your story is so
sad and it seems like you have been through
so much with this brother. There are three
main things that you have to get about this
relationship:
1) It takes time to
give your all and fall in love -- it is
going to take time to get over this
brother. Don't expect to one day just
wake-up and all of the love is gone.
Letting go of love is a very slow process
that relies on time and space. Some people
create distance within months while others
take years. Give your self time to heal and
take it day by day. Start a journal and
write down how you feel every day. By day
14 you will find that the words of hurt and
disappointment dwindle because you have a
place to now leave the hurt.
2) This
relationship was one that the brother did
not want. I tell sisters this all the
time. If a brother wants to be with you, he
will do ANYTHING to be where you are. The
fact that this brother created distance and
then started seeing someone else is proof
that he desired to move on. As hurtful as
it may seem, the truth is that everyone we
love doesn't always love us back or give us
what we need.
3) Sister, please
don't get caught up in the whole white woman
thing. By focusing on the brothers who have
moved on to white women you are growing
resentful and conveying that negative energy
to new potential lovers. The truth is that
brothers date white men and you know what
surprisingly sisters date white men too.
Love is love and once you make peace with
that you will see that a brother choosing to
love another does not take away from your
beauty or value.
In the end it is
time to move on with great memories and
lessons learned. Know that it is going to
take time for total healing to occur, but it
is possible to find another great love if
you are open to giving another brother a
chance.
- L
LaDawn,
Here is my issue: I
have been dating this man since 2000. We
started off as "cut friends" and progressed
into love. Originally, I was the one who
wanted to just remain friends. Burnt from a
bad divorce, I was not eager to put myself
out their again. Once I fell in love, I
wanted to take it to the next level. He
hesitated. We have several differences
causing this. I have two children with no
intentions have any more. He has none. He is
well established in his career, while I have
always maintained a job, as of yet I still
do not have a clear career path. Not that
money is a major problem between us; I don't
ask him for money, he doesn't volunteer
any.
Eventually after much
pressure on my part, we became "boyfriend
and girlfriend" around 2003. So I am sure
you can see where I am going with this. I
want to get married! He says he wants to
marry me and spend the rest of his life with
me. We have discussed this many, many
times. However, that has not lead to
anything because we are basically
still doing the same things. He leads a
totally separate life from me. I have met
his family once. Although they know me, it
is not on the level that my family knows
him. I only know who his friends are because
he tells me about them. He knows mine, but
he always keeps me separate from his life.
I try to approach it in
different ways, putting myself in his shoes,
threatening to leave, and actually leaving.
All of this is to no avail, because we are
still not married. In a recent
conversation, I have laid everything on the
line. I asked him if he felt that he was
getting everything that he needed from me,
if he felt that he was giving me everything
I needed, and if he felt that he was doing
his best to maintain this relationship. The
outcome of that discussion was that he asked
me what I wanted. I told him that I want to
be a complete part of his life. I want to be
engaged and a year from now married. He said
fine, then that is what will happen. He says
that when he actually "proposes" and gives
me a ring, is going to be a surprise. Thus
far, I have no ring. Granted this was just
a couple of days ago, I still have no ring.
To be honest I really won't believe it until
I see it.
My question is "how
long is too long"? Now, I am always the
first to say don't let a man use you, a man
won't do anything more than you let him do.
So I am fully aware that all of my
unhappiness with him is partly my fault. I
don't want to be "that girl' whose man is
playing her as a fool. I understand that by
being with me that he is giving up his right
to have his own children. I have also
expressed this to him as well. If that is
the problem, then why won't he just leave me
and find someone else that will be able to
give him what he needs? I don't understand
why he is dragging this on, if he has no
intention of marrying me. I have told myself
that if I have no ring by the end summer I
have to leave, if nothing else than to try
and retain some dignity and pride.
Sister:
Throughout your
email you were answering your own
situation. This brother cares for you, but
it seems pretty clear to me that he is not
willing to make you his wife. My rule on
this thing is that if it doesn't happen
within 2 years then it probably isn't going
to happen. You have to look with honest
eyes at all of the clues this brother is
giving you. The biggest being that men are
braggarts by nature and if he really had met
his match in you -- he would easily
integrate you into his work, family and
friends.
I think it is
time to get real and decide whether or not
you can live with this casual relationship
until he finds his ideal or do you want to
get out now knowing that you took control of
your love life and moved forward. Stop
waiting, hoping and praying for a ring to
materialize and get on with the business of
meeting a brother who wants "all" of you in
his life.
-L
Hi LaDawn:
I have had so many
differences in advice/opinions on my issue;
I do not know what to do. I have been seeing
this guy for six months now. We started
seeing each other in August of 2005, but we
had stopped talking for a month, but he came
back to me. We have good conversations; we
talk about any and everything. This guy has
said he had been locked up for a while
(either 8 or 10 years), he has been home for
4 years now and he has gotten himself on
track as far as his work is concerned.
Based on what he
tells me, he had a bad experience with
someone in his past, which I think has a lot
to do with him being cautious now. I have
tried to show and tell him in any way
possible how I feel about him and that I am
not out to hurt him. He tells me that he
knows that I like him for him, but in the
beginning he had his doubts. He has told me
on numerous occasions that when he is upset
about something, he shuts himself off, not
answering his phone and sometimes his door.
I've never dealt with someone like this
before, so at first it was hard for me to
know how to accept this, but now I'm used to
this.
The other thing is
how slow he is moving. I can understand
this. I don't feel like I am pressuring
him. I'm not asking right now for marriage
or for us to move together, but he does know
this is what I want. My problem with him is
that he does not give me the extra time I
have been asking for. We have had this
conversation many times and he keeps
throwing his job up in my face by talking
about how important it is to him, and he
wants to get out of debt so that he will
have more time for other things. This is all
good to a certain extent, but we see each
other about once, maybe twice a week. Twice
is very rare. I have asked him for one or
two more days. We both work like 2 a.m.
whereas, I am done by 7 a.m. and he may not
be done until between 8 and 9 a.m. Then
there is whatever running around to handle
other errands during the day and then he
does have to get some sleep. I try to be as
understanding and patient as I can be, but
there are times that I want to be with him
more.
On March 22, 2006,
during a conversation, he confessed that he
loves me, is in love with me, enjoys being
with me and is never bored with me. He has
told me before that he has strong feelings
for me. So I'm trying to understand that he
has some adjusting to do because he says he
is used to being by himself, because when he
was locked up he was by himself all that
time and no one came to see him, and a girl
he loved back then is the reason for him
doing the time. So I tell him after six
months, I feel like we have not moved
forward at all. He just says he moves
slowly. I have to compete with his job, his
work with juveniles and other meetings that
he attends during the week. When I ask him
if it is because he wants to be with someone
else, he tells me it isn't about other
girls. He has said this to me many times
because believe me, this conversation has
come up many times. I have just showed up at
his place before on different times of the
day and night and have yet to find any other
female there. So I asked him: “If you love
me, why can't you give me more of your
time?” He says his feelings have nothing to
do with it. So I say, “What is the bottom
line? If you don't have time for me, then I
need to be with someone who does?” He says
that is my decision; he cannot make
decisions for me.
Sometimes I feel
like he does have love for me, I can see the
way he looks at me, how he may just look in
my eyes and stroke my face, or stare at me
when I'm getting dressed and he gives me
compliments, telling me that I am beautiful
and smart and that he appreciates everything
I do for him and I am the ideal wife. He
asks me things sometimes like what if we
were living together, what would you do
when...or he may pose some hypothetical
husband questions to me. I really am in
love with him, I feel deep within me he is
the one for me. But what do I do about not
having more of his time? I'm afraid to see
other people because I feel like if he finds
out, it will change how he sees me and I
definitely don't want to be intimate with
anybody else either. But I need more
attention. I have tried applying for
daytime part time jobs to take up that extra
time, so that I wouldn't be so focused on
him, but I haven't been successful with
that. So what do you say about this
situation? I don't think he wants me to
leave and he has said it before when I told
him I was leaving that he does not want to
ever lose total contact with me. But he just
does not seem to be willing to include me in
his day-to-day life like I want to be. Thank
you for your input.
M
M:
What a letter!! Sister
you seem to be making a lot of excuses for a
brother who no matter how he may feel about
you is demonstrating a take it or leave it
attitude when it comes to you. Rule #1 when
it comes to brothers is that if they are
interested in being with you they are
present in your life no matter what type of
obligations they may have. If there is
always an excuse as to why you can't see him
more, then sister the brother may not be as
interested in you as you believe.
Listen to what the brother is saying, but
also watch his actions closely. This
brother seems to be on a path toward
bettering his future and healing and right
now this path doesn't include a wife. You
need to decide if you are going to take the
ride and wait for him to decide to include
you in or to get off now knowing that there
is someone else out there for you who is
ready for you today. In the end you need to
follow your gut instinct that is screaming
to you that this brother is a good brother,
but he can't be all that you need right now.
Dear
LaDawn,
