I
originally was going to write one of those top ten lists, but I
became tired of those when my twelve year old son was still five.
What we need to know is that our children do not care about how much
money we make, or that we have to get to work on time, or what type
of car we drive, or what size house we own. Brace yourself, they
care about one thing and one thing only: that is how much time you
spend with them. If you are also under belief that you can freely go
to work while your souse or child’s mother raises fine young men,
you are wrong.
All
communities are affected by the fragile families, father-absence,
and random unemployment. Be prepared to come straight home to talk,
play, and nurture your children. Yes, I did say nurture. Men are
excellent at nurturing. Whenever I talk to my son, I put my hand on
his shoulder, I look him in the eye, and when we are done, I tell
him I love him. This is nurturing, touching, eye contact and out
ward emotions. Can you do this? Are you doing this? Start now!
Once you
become a Father, you need to ask yourself, is your child’s life,
dreams, and success more important to you than your own? You will
have to adjust your dreams for theirs. Once you give birth to a
child, the responsibility is on you to guide them in the right
direction. If a job comes along that doubles your salary but takes
you away from home more and more, then who is the job benefiting? It
does not benefit the child to have the best bike in the
neighborhood, best bat and mitt on the block, and favorite hobby, if
you are not there to share them. There are Fathers out there reading
this and thinking about how alone they felt as a child with the best
of everything.
How do
you feel when you see a man playing with his son in the park? I can
tell you that you see what truly defines us. What you may not see in
the park is the sacrifice that is made every minute every second of
every day by that Father. It is a sacrifice of ultimate humility. It
is an effort of love that brings out the best of us. In our hearts
we all want to be the, “Hero” in the comic book. Fatherhood is the
hero and our children are the people in distress that lookup and
say, “WOW!”
What we
need to know before we become Fathers is how important our role and
responsibilities are to their well being. Without Fatherhood
involvement, our children will be subject to failing grades,
poverty, social problems, criminal behavior and drug abuse. Our job
is to set the tone with structure and discipline. We bring about
justice and facts along with an example of the way a good man and
father acts. Our children are always watching us, that‘s why the
sacrifice is so consistent. The other day, I was unable to voice my
opinion and yell at a police officer writing me a ticket because I
told my children to respect the police. However, if I see that
officer again, I will get him a watch so he can see I was not parked
that long. Back to writing…
I cannot
emphasis how important it is to become comfortable with the
commitment and responsibility it takes to be an involved father. I
cannot also express how little money matters when it comes to being
a great father. What I tend to find is the more we pay for an event
the worst the event turns out for the child. We showboat our
children into completing things and going places we never did. Ask
your child, where would you like to go? Don’t take them to your game
until they like it. Be more than just a dad, be empathetic. Seek
help, seek guidance, and seek to cure your own issues before you
pass them to your children.
Are you
comfortable putting off your needs for the needs of your children?
Are you willing to put off a tee time appointment with your
associates for miniature golf with a child? Do you have a career
that is comfortable for your family and their needs? Do you
understand that your child is in danger of failing without your
presence? Do you realize that to become a Father is not an act
of science but and ordainment from the universe? Let me
explain:
Fathers
who live with their children are more likely to have a close,
enduring relationship with their children than those who do not. The
best predictor of father presence is marital status. Compared to
children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents
are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children
born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely
to live in a father-absent home.
Children
who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least
two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to
experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems,
to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior
than their peers who live with their married, biological (or
adoptive) parents.
Children
with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do
well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and
pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use,
truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have
uninvolved fathers.
The
reality of our time is that fatherhood is the problem and the
solution to our world’s problems. Fatherhood is the only description
of a man that you cannot lose. Let me explain, after you leave this
earth people will ask who is that person in the picture; someone
will say he was a doctor, he was my husband, and he was this and
that. They will always say, that is my father, he is
my father or My Dad. You can never loose the title. Please
understand how important this ordainment is, it can never be taken
from you. It is changing the face of the world as we know it. Your
baseball throwing, your attending ballet, your graduation
attendance, changes someone’s life. It is the deciding factor
whether your daughter or son will fall victim to teen pregnancy,
school dropout, and drug use. Your child is doomed without your
influence, your time, and your love.
What do
you need to know before you have a child? You need to know that you
cannot fix everything. Remember that you become a parent the day
they are born. Understand that you become a member of the largest
fraternity in the world, so ask questions. Realize that you get to
live your life over thru theirs. Understand that Disney is nice, but
playing catch is free and more memorable. Travel around the world
first, so then you will have half the answers to the questions your
children will ask you. And last but not least, the most important
decision in a man’s life is who he chooses as a spouse. It governs
everything else. Chose wisely!
Joel Austin and his organizations
Daddy UniverCity
and
www.fatherfest.com
are dedicated to helping all
fathers appreciate themselves and the responsibility of fatherhood.
To put this complex situation in simple terms, Austin would like to
to heal the world one father and child at a time.
Together with
Black Men In America.com,
Joel will bring you a fresh, practical and relevant perspective to
the issue of fatherhood. Helping fathers understand the importance
their role has on the future of children throughout the world is a
major task, however, it can be done and for many that task will
start here on this web site and blog.
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