Dear Deanna!
I ended my
relationship with my boyfriend because I thought
I wanted someone more active, exciting and could
give me thrills. I now realize I had everything
I needed in the man I was with. My ex-boyfriend
has a good job, making a lot of money and he’s
dating someone else. I want him back and it
hurts me looking at this woman living the life I
was supposed to have. How do I approach him and
let him know that I want another chance?
Anonymous
Charleston, SC
Dear Worried:
You didn’t
miss the water until the well ran dry and now
you have to look at the life you missed out on.
You got what you deserved because you were
selfish and only thought about yourself and your
agenda. It appears he’s happy in his new
relationship. You can call him on the phone or
talk to him direct. However, you must remember
that you left him for another man. If he
rejects you, or hurts your feelings, get over it
because the pendulum of karma just swung back.
Dear Deanna!
I’m in a
dilemma and don’t know how to get out of it. I
got caught up in my relationship and asked my
girlfriend to marry me. I realize now this is
the wrong decision and this is not the woman I
want to spend my life with. We’ve dated for a
few years and now her wedding plans are in full
swing. Her mother has called caterers, ordered
dresses, and printed invitations. It’s getting
out of hand and I’m nervous and scared. How do
I end this now?
Wrong Groom
Washington, DC
Dear Wrong:
You need
to put the brakes on this ordeal immediately.
Many people are going to be hurt but you should
prevent financial loss, pain and embarrassment
while you can. Be a man and tell your
girlfriend the truth and offer to reimburse
everyone for money they’ve spent. Once you’ve
done this, you need to end the relationship. If
you choose not to be committed, don’t play any
more games. You need to close the deal on a
good note and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
I’m having
huge arguments with my girlfriend because she
can’t seem to get enough of her friends. We
have a social life that’s active considering our
jobs and lifestyle. All of a sudden she wants
to go out three nights a week and she’s hanging
out on work nights. The only time I see her is
when she’s on the phone making more plans or
leaving the house. How do I ask her to choose
me or her friends and her new party life?
Walt
Phoenix, AZ
Dear Walt:
There’s a
possibility your problems are more about the
relationship than about her friends. You should
offer to join her when she goes out and if she
says no, then be prepared to have a
conversation. Be direct and ask her why she has
the need to be so active, what can you do to
improve your social life and be willing to make
personal changes. However if her honesty hurts
your feelings don’t take it personal but use the
feedback to improve your situation.
Dear Deanna!
My husband is very selfish and inconsiderate.
We have a healthy relationship, our finances are
good and we are good parents to our children.
The biggest issue in the relationship is the
fact he won’t help with anything. I have to do
all the shopping, cleaning, planning for
activities and everything to run the household
and our lives. If I don’t do things he’ll sit
like a lump on a log. If things don’t get done,
we argue. How can I get him to meet me in the
middle?
Happy But Tired
Toledo, OH
Dear Tired:
Your husband is a lost cause if you don’t have
him trained or house broken by now. You should
look on the bright side and be glad he has a
job, he’s not abusive and he’s involved with the
children instead of being on a milk carton like
a dead beat dad. Take an analysis of the pros
and cons in your marriage and if the negatives
are more than the positives seek counseling,
hang in there and do the best you can to
motivate your husband and get him moving.
Dear Deanna!
I bought a car from
a friend and it was a huge mistake. After I got
the car it broke down, started leaking oil and
the transmission went bad. Because we’re
friends, I thought we could work it out and I
would get some of my money back. I approached
him about these issues and he told me it wasn’t
his problem. I don’t know what to do because a
mechanic told me he had the car fixed just
enough to sell it. I feel betrayed and want to
know if I can sue him?
Melinda
Boston, MA
Dear Melinda:
Your friend ripped you off by selling you a
lemon and left you with a silly look on your
face. There’s not much you can do unless you
have documents, the terms of the sale and
similar paperwork you would normally receive
from a dealership. Your car is on the road
dead, your friendship is ruined and your money
is gone. Its worth going to small claims court
because he didn’t think about you so you should
handle your business and get ready to see the
judge.
Dear Deanna!
I’m dating a woman
who has children by another man. I knew this
going into the relationship and I know the
problems that would eventually come. However, I
didn’t expect to spend money on these kids and
have them curse me out and disrespect me nor did
I expect my girlfriend to sleep with their
father behind my back. The situation is worse
now because she’s pregnant with my baby and I
know I should leave this mess but I feel
guilty. What do I do?
Brian
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Brian:
It would be a good idea if you decide not to be
stuck on stupid. You need to get out of this
relationship because you’re being used and
disrespected. As for the pregnancy, you can
ride the wave until the baby gets here because
you don’t know if the baby is yours until you’ve
had a blood test. This clown show will only get
worse as time goes on and you need to hold onto
your money and your mind, give them your rear
end to kiss and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
I’m worried about my sister
because she is the type of woman that has to be
in a relationship. She recently ended a 6-year
romance and after two weeks, already getting
serious about someone new. I think she needs to
clear her head and realize she is on the
rebound. She has already told this man she
loves him and I want her to slow down. What can
I say to her in order to spare her feelings but
still get my message across?
Anonymous
St. Louis, MO
Dear Anonymous:
It’s good that you’re concerned because this is
your sister and you love her. If she’s not
being hurt and there aren’t any foul signs of
abuse or cheating from this man, you should wait
and see what happens. However, it’s too early
to see his true character and as an experienced
dater, your sister should see the signs when
they appear. Share your honest feelings with
her about slowing down and let her know she has
your full support if things don’t work out.
Dear Deanna!
I am fresh out of a long term relationship and I
really enjoy my single
life and freedom. My girlfriends all envy
me and now their boyfriends are accusing them of
cheating and looking for men when they hang out
with me. I am not going to water down my
lifestyle right now and my friends are having a
hard time with this. They say that I am acting
loose and as if I don’t have any morals. I
think they’re tied down to balls and chains and
are jealous. Am I wrong?
Happy and Free
On-line Reader
Dear Happy:
The men of your friends are
insecure and obviously don’t know their women as
well as they think. If your behavior is
affecting them, you need to cool off and slow it
down a bit when you’re around them. These are
your friends and you need to still show some
respect and regard for the differences in your
relationships, or lack thereof. At the end of
the day, enjoy your life and realize that
everyone is responsible for their choices. Yours
just appears more fun right now
Dear Deanna!
My spouse is trying to force me to quit my
stable job of 10 years. I’ve never had problems
and the benefits are great. The issue is a new
department secretary. I have no interest in this
woman but my wife only sees her as a young,
energetic woman
climbing the ladder. I’ve done nothing to
make my wife insecure and she’s going crazy
listening to office
gossip. I’m not quitting my job and my
wife still insists that I should. What do I do?
Paul R. Jacksonville, FL
Dear Paul:
If you’ve had the same job
and same spouse with no issues, then something
has been triggered with the arrival your new
employee. If you’ve winked or wagged then you’ve
given the office hens something to talk about.
Office gossip is 99 percent gossip with a one
percent smell of truth. Your wife has an
insecurity issue that started before now and
this is simply an excuse. You have a choice to
fix your marriage, fix your job or fix yourself.
Dear Deanna!
I’m
married but often go on weekend trips with my friends.
My husband issued an ultimatum to adjust my schedule but
I chose not to. He threatened me and said he would
leave if I chose my friends instead of going with him to
his family reunion. I went on my trip. When I
returned, he was gone, the house was empty and utilities
disconnected. He won’t talk to me and now wants a
divorce and I don’t know what to do?
Tamara
Louisville, KY
Dear Tamara:
It’s hard to imagine a girlie trip that’s so good it
would make you forsake your marriage, unless you’re
cheating. Perhaps your friends can give you a cozy
couch to sleep on since you put them before your
husband. Your decision was foolish, immature and
disrespectful. Reach out to your husband and invite him
to a friendly location for a huge apology, an
explanation and much needed counseling to help with
issues you both obviously have.
